Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to the toilet during drama class, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at work, humming to myself while scrolling through memes. I started laughing and I said out loud, “You’re so stupid” to my phone. Someone in the next stall said, “Excuse me?” and I had to fake a cough and flush just to escape. FML
Today, I was playing music from my phone, which was on the couch. I guess my dog got jealous, because she picked it up and ran over to the toilet, promptly dropping it right in. FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML
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Top comments
sarah6786 14
everybody poops. Read the book.
paintedchocolate 30
Was it good music at least?
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Comments (49)
sarah6786 14
everybody poops. Read the book.
AKGirlinSD 20
My sister has to read that book to her students, every year. She has it memorized.
pickles1994 18
Dang that's awkward
Lionesse 15
It's only awkward if you make it awkward.
jonathan_kraft 14
Its gonna be hard to look at that person later
emag_eht 18
Why? Would you not be able to face your girlfriend if you found out she takes a shit?
paintedchocolate 30
Was it good music at least?
coolboy675 16
Read op's name
nottheyoungest 18
I thought it was a pun. Like.. The coworker was ********. And you know.. Shitty music. Or the music was really shitty.
andyyroxx 20
She was poppin' Angry Birds on both ends, dawg.
gmian 34
Probably playing Scream and Shout.
Wizzlbang 10
Was it at least good music?
Enslaved 38
3&4 same question, different wording. Ha!
mackdeezy 22
Whatever helps her go, I guess
Alexweber929 14
I always just go on fml
Ashamed_Sister 60
Better music than the "other" type of sounds
ironichalibut 24
Why wouldn't you just leave, it all would've turned out fine if you'd just pretended to be checking a text after washing your hands and walked out. Did she at least have good taste in music? Shoot, I guess two other people were thinking the same thing.
Isoldael 27
Maybe OP was on her way to a highscore :p
chocolateisyum 12
At least you probably couldn't hear her gross pooping sounds over the music!
picante72 24
This is one of the funniest FMLs I've ever read.
Enslaved 38
Prepare for your boss to enter stall number 3. Remember-- Don't talk shit about her!