Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the Heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water bottle while in a lecture. The water caught in my throat and it felt like I was choking to death. Instead of asking me if I was okay or trying to help, the guy sitting next to me told me to shut up. FML
Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML
Today, I was eating chicken noodle soup for my lunch. It was perfect until the last bite when it went down the wrong pipe. Choking, I coughed up what I'd already eaten. In front of my coworkers, and all over myself. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML
Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML
Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to see why my walking pneumonia wasn't getting any better. It had. I've just somehow managed to also contract mono... while sitting home, alone. FML
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Top comments
Dixie_Normous 0
I dunno I think I'd rather have mono than death.
Peroxide 3
I too almost died from choking once but luckily I had my handy juicebox with me. The juicebox was able to make a small incision in my trachea and insert an empty pen thus saving my life. That juicebox and I went on to become the best of friends and we travelled the world until one day I accidently stood on him and he exploded. RIP Juicebox. I'll miss you buddy!
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Comments (128)
nemo3590 0
You were choking. On a chip. And you couldn't breathe. Yeah, right. Obvious fake is obvious. Next time you want to troll, remember that if you are literally choking from something lodged in your windpipe (protip, use something besides a chip, they don't cause blockage very well) drinking juice is not going to help. You need the Heimlich Maneuver or something physically pulling it out of your windpipe. Now go diaf.
_THE_MASTER_ 0
however, I would defeat your heimlich maneuver with the Aperture science Heimlich Counter-maneuver.
AmeOwl 0
Ever heard of the heimlich maneuver? Kind of a better idea than drinking something when you're choking.
derschadenfreude 5
Am I the only one who thinks the OP implied that she gave herself a tracheotomy with the straw from the juice box?
ObadiahtheSlim 2
This doesn't make a god damn bit of sense. First off WTF is a juice box going to do if you can't breathe? I'm assuming you can actually breathe and you are being overly dramatic. At this point, everyone else did exactly what they were supposed to do. NOTHING. You only intervene when the person cannot breath at all. Coughing and other noises means the person can breathe and intervention (Heimlich) will only cause more harm than good.
Im_Not_Jimmy 0
Exactly!!! If you can caugh you arent actually choking!
Kumi13 4
If you think about it, the OP could have just had it go down badly, believe that they were choking and have a minor panic attack. From experience, when that happens you feel like you can't breath. The main point of the FML is something happened to her, no one did a thing to help her, and by trying to fix it herself she used the juice box of someone with mono. I agree, her life sucks.
I_am_stupid_also 6
Heimlich maneuver is for when food is to hard or too rough and gets stuck. Juice softens things up and also lubricates. Before Heimlich, do you think people just sat there and died?
coolbeans26 12
Yes. They did that's why they came up with the maneuver ?
FML_FYL_2009 0
I gaurantee you, if they had mono, they wouldn't be in school. I had mono once and it was the most sick I've ever been. I was out of work for a month. You'll live. I decided.
silly_cerise 0
You can have no active symptoms of mono and thus be able to go back to school/work, but you're still contagious for quite a while. Your doctor sucks if s/he failed to inform you that you can still spread mono for a month or so even after you're feeling better.
Aff_fml 0
you cant just take other people's stuff because your over dramatic. I would have lied about having mono to you also cuz I like my juice and you obviously think you can just take other peoples stuff to cater to your exagerated demands
jillz 0
No one tried to help you because the world is filled with too many bystanders who look the other way and take the whole "mind your own business" thing way too far. When you're having an emergency or just need a little help, you miraculously become 'invisible' to them as though you're in need of a private moment. I'll take the misguided but well meaning hero over the hesitant bystander any day. FYL OP :/
COBRAMORPH 0
Pieces of crap like that are why all these diseases & plagues get spread.
fbp6277 0
I think this is fake. If they had mono they definitly wouldnt be in school.