Today, I was sitting at lunch and started choking on a chip. I couldn't breathe and nobody tried to help me. Having to take matters into my own hands, I reached for a juice box that belonged to someone sitting next to me. After I could breathe again, they informed me that they had mono. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the Heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML
Today, I was drinking from a water bottle while in a lecture. The water caught in my throat and it felt like I was choking to death. Instead of asking me if I was okay or trying to help, the guy sitting next to me told me to shut up. FML
Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML
Today, I was eating chicken noodle soup for my lunch. It was perfect until the last bite when it went down the wrong pipe. Choking, I coughed up what I'd already eaten. In front of my coworkers, and all over myself. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, I was choking on an apple and asked my sister to get me some water. She got some. Then drank it herself. FML
Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML
Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to see why my walking pneumonia wasn't getting any better. It had. I've just somehow managed to also contract mono... while sitting home, alone. FML
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Top comments
Dixie_Normous 0
I dunno I think I'd rather have mono than death.
Peroxide 3
I too almost died from choking once but luckily I had my handy juicebox with me. The juicebox was able to make a small incision in my trachea and insert an empty pen thus saving my life. That juicebox and I went on to become the best of friends and we travelled the world until one day I accidently stood on him and he exploded. RIP Juicebox. I'll miss you buddy!
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Comments (128)
2345_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm gay. There I said it, on FML and to the world. **** you, mom, I said I would. **** you right in the ass.
youreanidiot 0
Congratulations? I just got first comment on the next post, and I was able to do an intelligent post like most people who respond to these things and didn't mention the word "first" anywhere in it to not be an annoying ass such as yourself Anyway OP, if you could suck in, you weren't choking, and were capable of breathing. I recommend learning about the heimlich maneuver, its possible to do to yourself
2345_fml 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
haha I love how people get so mad over people saying first. Its a big accomplishment for me. I have come to this site a lot and never once was able to be first post. Cant I have my 1 second in the limelight?
popatia 0
Take it easy on them. Only on FML is being 1st going to be the biggest accomplishment of their life. :D
alexandraa_fml 0
Woah.. woah ..woah, woah..woah........ this is not my batman glass. Dont get your panties in a wad #2 ;) Deep breath. Inn... outtttt. Now,. lets discuss when we can make your next appt. We need to get this anger under control.
LadyKaya 0
#2: Didn't you just defeat the purpose of not going on about it by going on about it here? You could have raged without going on and on about yourself and how you got first on the next post. #1: Grats. OP: You weren't dying, grow up and stop being a drama queen. Why didn't you have anything to drink with your lunch anyway? Not a criticism, just unusual.
allmidnighteyes 11
Exclaiming, "FIRST!" is only cool when you've finished doing a virgin. Also, juice box ftw.
popatia 0
At least she wasn't choking on a banana :P
xChrista1xx 0
I actually am jealous of your accomplishment xDD Damn youuu
popatia 0
I want that bear in your picture :D
nm22395 0
I eat babies.
blastvortex 4
Erm... mmm'kay? ......... PS That's envy that you're thinking of, doofus. Jealousy can't even apply.
cornsnake 0
that is a big accomplishment for you #4? wow thats just sad.
Rejectofsociety9 0
This made my day (:
jms08 0
Funny FML... Dumb Comments... Its better to be the "first" one to comment than the Second person bitching about it.
brutallyhonest24 0
nobobody?
AlexZB 0
nobobody seems like a nice guy, why didn't you let him save you, you jerk?
SierraVanilla 0
why so sensitive? like it's weird how people get so mad over the dumbest things
mayumm 0
nobobody?
Rubybabeexx 0
BAHAHAHAHAHA
nerdieninja 0
the first to comment but the last to get laid.
jbchica 7
If OP hadnt drank the juice box then they could have died, so you are really stupid for calling them a drama queen because they were choking. Idiot. And maybe their drink was gone, you can't just assume things.
jbchica 7
Btw that last comment was to #20 XD
SoaRSniping 1
Nigga
kylehimself 5
Fag
RayyanBoussaid 5
Do you smell that? It's the smell of no damns I have to give, OP
Stiggy626 25
would have really stuck it to her if it wasn't anon
Dixie_Normous 0
I dunno I think I'd rather have mono than death.
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Seeing as nobody likes you already, having the kissing disease won't be so bad. So just keep taking matters into your own hands or maybe even fingers.
BeeSkwaird 0
Nobobody!
capthavoc123 0
You realize that choking is when you have something stuck in your windpipe, right? So drinking something doesn't do anything to help.
CFR 0
Well it's not like anyone else was giving her the Heimlich or anything, what else was she supposed to do?
Veritas143 0
If something was blocking their windpipe they wouldn't be able to suck in..they weren't choking they were coughing a lot and stole someones drink.. Dick
White667 0
That was my reaction, if it's water you need then you weren't choking. I mean, jeeze.
Emperor_Jim 0
Honestly, with all the rediculous lawsuits out there, I can't say I blame people. Wasn't there an FML a few months back about someone giving a choking victim the Hiemlich maneuver and ending up getting sued because of it? Sad thing is, no one ever got sued for sitting around and watching someone die.
2345_fml 0
I think California even has a law where you can be sued if you help out during an accident and make the person worse off. I think they were considering over-turning it though. Most states have the law where you cant be sued for trying to help out in an emergency.
brkn_hearted 0
i'm a californian and don't remember ever hearing any law like that, but i'm not quick to doubt it. however they were in texas and not cali, so that doesn't really apply. but i have a feeling that this post is either fake, or it was overly dramatized to make it to posting... especially considering the OP's name is "omgimchoking" but how the **** can you choke on A chip? only way would be if it got caught covering up the windpipe but would easily be coughed out... so basically OP is a dipshit.
McLovinSB 10
My dad once choked on rice. what a chop.
blalien 0
Massachusetts has a Good Samaritan law that says people can't be held liable if they made every possible effort to help the victim. This means, for example, you can't be sued for breaking somebody's ribs while giving them CPR. I couldn't tell you about any other state. This FML pisses me off because it implies terrible advice. If you see somebody choking, and they are coughing, DO NOT INTERFERE! Only get involved if the victim either stops breathing or is doing something unusual like spasming.
eehizle 0
lololokiloloolgbavwvgwhehrjwgqffgwjtltluhwbwvebwbebwbqvqcqAaszzzqzzzzsqwwweettyvrvrhtvevfiaekzeixriz cv
TheTruth1428 0
sorry, but YDI. Why didn't you have your own drink? Also, it's not hard to perform the Heimlich on yourself if it came down to it. I doubt you were choking then watered it down, that's pretty much impossible. Choking is having something caught in your airway, pouring water down there would have only made it worse. Worst thing that happened was you probably had something uncomfortably stuck and had to kick into drama mode instead of just calmly dealing with it.
leero 0
this.
Armin_fml 0
is so true.
dvd175 5
xP
akiranozaki 0
Of course nobobody tried to help you.
Luckster 0
Dumbass Bystander Syndrome? If you died, everyone would have been all "Oh, I tried to save him, but I was too late" and sobbing uncontrollably. People suck.
kaysa21 4
Nope most likely in 2016 people would record it and make memes of you choking.....
Pikachu206 2
I once was choking on an icecube while watching The Hangover. I didn't sweat it and calmed the heck down enough so it could melt. Also had trouble with a chip before. Point is if you were choking enough to where you looked like you were going to die, then yes someone would have jumped up to help you. But otherwise uncomfortable yes, but not much of an FML.
popatia 0
I love how people TRY to make their lives more interesting than the OP's. What a sad fail.