Today, I was showing my boyfriend some stuff I bought that day: a new thong and a bag of his favorite brand of peanuts. He was more excited about the peanuts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML
Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML
Today, my boyfriend came round to drop off some underwear, which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML
Today, I bought a pack of peanuts to share with my partner and his 16 ear-old daughter, whom I'd just been introduced to. I asked him if I could eat his peanuts as well, since he wasn't eating them and, because my greedy mouth was stuffed with my own peanuts, it came out as, "Can I eat your penis?" FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I gave each other early Christmas gifts. I gave him a basketball signed by his favorite player, which took me forever to find. He got me diet pills. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML
Today, my boyfriend texted me saying he had left a surprise on my driveway. Thinking it was something special, I went outside to look. It was a little bag of mayonnaise packets. FML
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Top comments
slick5880 22
There is a special bond between a man and his nuts.
flailingCheese 5
Make a thong of peanuts.
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Comments (95)
Peacelove0404 26
Well yeah, they're his favorite brand! I'd be excited also
citygirl645 8
Well duh.
jmsbigley 6
its cause you haven't put them on yet.
usmcbjj 1
Maybe you wear thongs too often, it might not be that exciting to see you in one any more... But favorite brand of peanuts!!!! Now thats exciting!!
boofybluth 6
He is a guy. Food is always on their mind, what do you expect?
noisebox 1
Just wait till finishes eating then he'll knocking at your back door, it's just 'first things first'..
s13495 19
reading this fml has just reminded me that I bough some pistachios the other day... there in my cupboard :') THANK YOU OP!!!
XxQuartersxX 14
Its nbd. He still thinks your sexy, its just that peanuts are the best snack ever!
Goodliife 13
A thong is always nice, but its not as interesting as when you are wearing it though. So untill i saw it on, i'll go for the peanuts as well..
herpderp1234 17
Are you nuts? His nuts are nuts for nuts!