Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML
Today, I was once again mistaken for an escaped convict. I live near a women's correctional facility and apparently my nursing scrubs look a lot like their prisoners' uniforms. The cop made me late for work. FML
Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML
Today, I was in the library when police arrested me for threatening people. The librarian even told them I did nothing wrong, and that the actual girl they wanted had already left. They took me in anyway. My dad sided with the police and let me “think about what I did” in jail overnight. FML
Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML
Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML
Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML
Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
Today, I was arrested on my 25th birthday and thrown in jail overnight for impersonating myself. FML
Today, I was shot and arrested for trespassing. I'm a firefighter and I was saving a child. FML
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Top comments
EngineerJane 0
That's today society for you. All males are rapist and all females are goddesses.
indiablue 4
sucks to be you!
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Comments (106)
Schiffy 18
This is why you should always carry ID
haleyamannda 0
so the first thing you did was go to fml? that's the most pathetic thing I have ever heard
suckmysarcasm 10
dont taze me bro! ; )
blueeyedbeauty15 0
wow... fyl!!
Ugi 27
No good dead ever goes unpunished, as they say. FYL.
cocobulla1 4
hahaha bet he does!!!
johnikan 1
You do know you can sue and makes lots of money.....right??!!
wildcoyote 6
At least you weren't registered as a sex offender....
ih82bl8 2
Wait, were you the child molester and they thought u were still in jail...
jonwassing 3
Amazing how every man who helps any kid out automatically becomes a sexual predator. And they say sexism doesn't go both ways......
ImTheAlpha 30
I read that in House's voice.
iateapenguin 27
I did too, but only after reading your comment!