Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML
Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML
Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I encountered a madman who threw a bottle at me and hurt me. In a fit of rage, I beat him up, and as a result I was taken to the police station, and ordered to pay compensation for everything. FML
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
I think you're on the wrong career path. Instead of returning to work, you oughta... ...wait on it... ...bounce!
toooldforthis 19
Wait a minute, where are you that bars are still open? I'm going crazy with this quarantine!
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Comments (9)
RichardPencil 32
I think you're on the wrong career path. Instead of returning to work, you oughta... ...wait on it... ...bounce!
EmDizzle2007 28
fantastic delivery.
toooldforthis 19
Wait a minute, where are you that bars are still open? I'm going crazy with this quarantine!
themetropolitan 19
Just because the FML starts with "today", doesn't mean it actually happened today. For all we know, it may have happened 10 years ago...
Gennette 11
You aren't suppose to take someone after they are peppered sprayed because the person can catch on fire. As much as I want to believe this, I smell something fishy.
Mom_was_here 4
Police brutality at its finest
Mom_was_here 4
This has yet to happen. July 4th is when itll happen. Man so many psychics and time jumpers. Amazing
Anna_Lu_Minum 9
Three bets that the drunk was a white dude and the OP wasn’t