Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm recovering from being pepper-sprayed, beat with a baton and Tased, and arrested for assault. I'm a bouncer and was trying to remove a drunk asshole from the bar when the police showed up. FML
Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML
Today, I was arrested for DWI in my own apartment complex. I had to be released into the custody of a sober adult, but I wasn't allowed access to my phone to get any numbers. I only have a few memorized. So I was picked up from jail by my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé - my manager at work. FML
Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML
Today, only some excellent security footage stopped me being arrested after I bumped into a young girl while looking at my phone and her mother, an Uber Karen, accused me of sexual assault and an off-duty woman police officer tackled me to the ground before I'd even took off my headphones. FML
Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML
Today, I was in the library when police arrested me for threatening people. The librarian even told them I did nothing wrong, and that the actual girl they wanted had already left. They took me in anyway. My dad sided with the police and let me “think about what I did” in jail overnight. FML
Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
It's a lot of work, but you might want to consider bringing the story to some progressive media outlet. Another option would be to sue the police department that arrested you, but it's highly unlikely to yield any results. And for those who might think OP overreacted or whatever, no, since this guy kept physically touching OP without her consent, it is sexual assault. Not so aggravated that he should be tried for it, but he could definitely have benefited from spending a night or two in jail instead of OP.
Blobby McGee 5
ah, California, the land of backwards logic, and upside down laws.
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Comments (4)
Plop 17
It's a lot of work, but you might want to consider bringing the story to some progressive media outlet. Another option would be to sue the police department that arrested you, but it's highly unlikely to yield any results. And for those who might think OP overreacted or whatever, no, since this guy kept physically touching OP without her consent, it is sexual assault. Not so aggravated that he should be tried for it, but he could definitely have benefited from spending a night or two in jail instead of OP.
Blobby McGee 5
ah, California, the land of backwards logic, and upside down laws.
Brightside86 31
Feels like you're not telling us something, is this like your 4th tased pateron this week or something?
NostalgiaFreak9 43
The way of the world, punish the people who defend themselves, but never the aggressors.