Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML
Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML
Today, while working a night shift completely alone at a truck stop, a trucker asked me to get in the shower with him for a "funner night shift", and threw his towels and clothes at me when I told him no. FML
Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML
Today, I, someone who has experienced only one romantic relationship in my 35 years (which ended 8 years ago), was hit on by a homeless drug felon client at work. FML
Today, I was having a rough day and decided to go out for a walk at 1 a.m. to clear my head. I ended up being driven home by two cops, who thought I was prostituting myself at the truck stop. When we arrived, they had a nice conversation with my parents. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, a hobo threw up on my car while at a red light. He then asked me for money. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML
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Top comments
1Tsk 0
did you do it?
speedmastaflex 0
Lol. Dude couldnt afford to take you to a motel?
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Comments (112)
1Tsk 0
did you do it?
onigiriqueen 0
Well, damn, if he thought she was worth $100, this shouldn't be an FML! But since she was too busy bitching that she never gets hit on, I doubt she did anything for the poor guy.
surreal 0
haha, that's what i want to know. (hopefully NO)
stereoskyline_fml 0
Do all the cool kids hang out at IHOP now?
genius_man16 1
I agree, there should be a required comment from the poster of FML's, lol
bollywood_rocks 0
Uh, hopefully yes AFTER he buys you dinner in addition to the $100. To create more drama, get his name and after call the cops on him for soliciting you. :)
Myke92 0
Hahaha... thats what I wondered when I read this FML.
nazooer 11
Haha i smell an episode of family guy in the making
grabblebyk 1
you should have felt him up and loudly commented on the shameful excuse for balls that guy was packing
kieran247 0
do eet
z620 0
1. You can hang out with friends at IHOP now? Nice 2. You totally did it Op
fayettie 3
Wonder if OP considered the fact that he might have just thought she looked like a hooker
speedmastaflex 0
Lol. Dude couldnt afford to take you to a motel?
piderman13 0
he probably figured by spending like $50 for a motel, she wouldn't have sex for only $50. not that she did it for $100 but he doubled his chances ;)
DieterDerBlau 0
word
spoo 24
but the smell of rotting milk is so romantic! who needs a motel?
HinkeyPunk 0
Haha.
Andy_King 0
lmao dress up a little better, start hitting the gym, and get some opinions on your looks and how to improve them and you'll probably get hit on more
gingermonster16 0
EWW. What a doucher. I'm sorry. That's really gross.
suckstobeyou3 0
did you accept?
chillbro69 0
thats what you get for hanging out in ihop
Ranoona 0
THATS GROSS, CREEPY, but still funny, lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Iwannabetreo 11
Hahahahahaha.. Sorry, that made my day, omg, thats hilarious xD
elloelle 0
You should have told been like "Sure. But Make sure you read my warning label. One visit with me will result in many visits to the clinic for you, and being the gentleman I know you are, you a liable for a months worth of my treatments." And what about your friend? I guess the man isnt imaginative for threesomes?
Diagon_Blix 0
Today I asked a girl to have sex with me behind the IHOP. Turns out I didn't have a condom but I told her I did. I now have chlymidia. FML.