Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with this guy when my nose started bleeding, and it got on his face. FML
Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML
Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy walking out of a restaurant. When he saw me, he smiled and to be a bit flirty I bit my lip. Too bad it started to bleed like hell. FML
Today, I reached down to pet an elderly man's dog. It jumped up and utterly mauled my face, drawing blood. As I gasped in shock and pain, the man said, "Careful, he likes to scratch." FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML
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Top comments
ChibiChibi_fml 28
If you are aware of the fact that your dog is over protective and reacts badly to things then why would you let it be in the room with the two of you while you are doing such stuff? I'd say next time lock him in another room, or lock yourselves in another room, either way the three of you should not all be in the same room.
Mylifeskool 0
no one make him bleed his own blood.
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Comments (108)
Trace01m 11
Seriously, if you know the dog is overprotective, don't mess around with the dog in the room.. That's like a weeks worth of BJs
bethan1 4
Looks like your daddy trained that dog well:) the whole using a shot gun thing to scare off the boyfriend was too over-used I guess
MermaidSongXOXO 6
They say animals are good judges of character. Maybe he's a jerk? Get a cat; they don't give a shit.
jakeisawake 3
Cats have a sense of vengeance. Piss your cat off, and you will be smelling the stench of cat shit in your closet, clothes, or bed. But I agree; animals can judge a person's character.
boopityboppity 11
^Heh, that means 21 is wrong; cats literally give a shit.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
LOL, boopity.
dicklover69 0
The dog was jealous. Kiss the dog first then your man.
dicklover69 0
HEY, I love keeping my dog in the room when I am making out with my man. It turns me on.
dicklover69 0
You are so disgusting.
cj91 0
Dogs telling you abstinence is key...your parents trained it well.
lolawazhere 9
You win, my friend.
danielle25 15
how are the animals going to judge if a person is bad or good? i mean you can be a bad person and if you adopt a puppy he will still love you.
bigbadtim 7
You should have offered your boyfriend some doggie style.
TkAfinator 0
Win (y)
DemonBob 0
Your dad is in the other room saying "Good Boy". Seriously, animals are very good judge of character. My ex wife had a pitbull when we met, it got attached to me and would bite her if she touched me. Turns out she was cheating on me. She took the dog when she left and sold her to a known dog fighter
aback 5
Crate that mutt.