Today, my boyfriend got drunk and tried to french-kiss my dog. Now he has 12 stitches in his face, and he's insisting we have to get my dog put down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my stepdad is insisting that we either get rid of my dog or euthanize him because he bit me. FML
Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have our first kiss with each other, but my dog decided to let one rip, stinking up the whole room. My boyfriend still doesn't believe it was my dog who did it. FML
Today, my 12 year-old dog died. My boyfriend's attempts to comfort me involved him muttering, "At least she knows how to play dead now." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML
Today, I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML
Today, my boyfriend got drunk and had a fistfight with a dumb teenager, which was bad enough, but he also lost the fight, which was just pathetic and embarrassing. FML
Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML
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Top comments
Philliesfan9391 3
Put your boyfriend down for violating your dog.
holeyman 8
Instead of getting a new dog, get a new boyfriend.
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Comments (230)
Freeze_fml 17
Something to think about every time you kiss him.
gntfmlingnow 12
That she should scratch the hell out of his face. Seems legit.
skating4life 0
Dont put the dog down!!!!
SCREAM4meeee 0
Hell, I woulda done the same if your husband tried to kiss me.
swimchica22 0
3 words. Dog comes first(:
Jennyboo5797 4
I insist that you get your boyfriend put down! :o
SirObvious 1
That bitch:)
SdCounty33 0
I second that!
Alwayspullout 7
I all honestly, I could try to kiss my dog and would definitely not bite me... Just saying...
DoubleDose 0
I dont know why you thumbed 72 down, probably because you didn't get it, a female dog is on official terms called a bitch, therefore he was referring to the dog that bit the boyfriend. =)
loveq1201 0
This is one of the weirdest fmls ive read in awhile hah...
Georgieeporgiee 9
Poor doggy!:(
ikickgingers 15
I thought it said 12 inches in his face... I had to read it twice. Weird, indeed.
1215116a 14
Your boyfriend needs to stay away from them bitches!
judices 0
I see what you did there :)
Ravenclaw2016 6
I request the highest of fives #3!
iRichiq 3
n1
Jennyboo5797 4
OP needs to get that bitch out of her life! (Her boyfriend)
rexgar2000 10
59. that most be one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen.
zbajis 7
59 is a cute baby but wrong place, probably not your fault though.
OreoKami 0
Youu suck !
FUUUandyourmom 16
Not the dog's fault he's an aggressive kisser.
iam_yummylicious 12
Not the dog's fault it didn't want to be molested.
1bluesky1 6
Boyfriend plays rough, dog plays back rougher. Stitches are implied
cameron194 9
LMFAO^^ made my night
Catdragon 40
Don't you mean ruff?
holeyman 8
Instead of getting a new dog, get a new boyfriend.
evilplatypus 39
Or date the dog. It sounds like it'd make a better boyfriend.
amrik 11
Exactly what I think too
captainbj2 0
I agree...French kissing the dog was only the first step for your boyfriend....weird things on store if you stay, as drinking brings out natural tendencies...
Philliesfan9391 3
Put your boyfriend down for violating your dog.
oops_im_fucked 8
I'm sorry, but your boyfriend is too aggressive and were gonna have to put him down...
RawrNom 0
exactly! don't put your dog down. that's wrong!
nolaneldridge 1
unless the dog is in serious pain. I think it's fine then, but only then.
Life_sucks_13 6
Lol
Filthy_Animal 25
I agree. Poor dog... Put down your bf insted!!
Beebow_fml 5
Your boyfriend might be a furry lover, angered by his inability to satisfy his sexual desires with your dog.
grapes1414 0
Your ******
TheTrainKid 20
you're
Zomg_Okay 27
Nevermind him, OP. If he wants to get absolutely hammered and get bitten by a dog, thats his problem. Don't let him take his stupidity out on the dog.
starlight88 21
Do not put that dog down!!! If you do you're just as dumb as your dumbass bf!! What a ******* moron!
KnucklesDeep 5
I really hope you told your boyfriend to go and fornicate off.