Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
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Top comments
6tori6 5
yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...
HandaPitler 1
Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way
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Comments (140)
beanthemouse 13
What the **** did she expect?!
brackaman 18
Evidently not a ****
Shadow_Phantom 26
I dunno about you, OP, but I would get out of that relationship pretty damn fast. Her behavior is unhealthy. FYL.
ViviMage 40
Some women are cold fish because they want non sexual attention from a male, and get upset if anything is just in ends up in sex. She might be seeing his erection not as him enjoying it or a body reflex, but rather men only get woodies before sex. Morning wood is usually the body's way of shutting the bladder's escape path down until the man wakes up. So that debunks that right there. Men get erections for non sexual reasons, too! I've even heard CT contrast dye will make someone erect. She needs to understand her lover to make this work for them.
wjh100 13
the morning would to prevent pee has been debunked as well. male hormones are at their highest in the early morning so you get a boner
Raesin 21
If men's morning wood is a way to 'shut the bladder's escape path down' until the man wakes up, I assume you think that us women piss all over the bed every morning?
kzai 16
It's like she's yelling at you for thinking she's attractive! ... Ugh women!
MooseKnuckle5150 13
Save yourself a ton of frustration, get out now. She's already wired to hold sex over you and have you jump through hoops to get it. Te vag is already being held hostage. Run.
MooseKnuckle5150 13
The*
Pandarawrxx 4
Sorry buddy :(
StrugsNotDrugs 19
Wow.. "I'm gonna give you a handy... IS THAT AN ERECTION?" Logic. =/= there is none.
ViviMage 40
Logic go boom!
little_one 20
Science H logic!
jdime209 2
Something is not right about this relationship.. Hmm.
bReLiNg 18
Wow she just bit the hand that feeds her... OP this girl needs a reality check, if she doesn't straighten up its time for a talk.
Xotoolyxo 16
Well were you expecting something ?
krock76 7
Seriously?