Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
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Top comments
6tori6 5
yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...
HandaPitler 1
Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way
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Comments (140)
TheAbstract 15
I'm sorry, but what the hell?
mangoboy1 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I guess it's that time of the month again.
misspulkadot24 17
That's offensive. Pull the super deluxe tampon out of your ass and stop blaming her stupidity on something us girls get that we get shit for all the time.
VooDooCarrie91 19
Wait... Because 13 made an overgeneralized comment about something women can't control meaning something different? Just like OP did about her boyfriend's erection? Hmm..
junkman6 22
43 you can't fix stupid. I was actually hoping this sparked into an argument for my reading pleasure.
kittykatkassie 6
Apparently women can't have emotions without it getting blamed on pms. Sometimes we're idiots and sometimes we're just mad. In this case OP's girlfriend is the former. As are you 13
SirCharles83 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
21 and 62. He was making a joke calm down. What is it your time of the month or something?
StaceyMichelle 5
I find it offensive as well. I don't get pms while on my period, and I hate when people blame our periods whenever we randomly get mad or upset. Some people are just naturally moody.
Sputnikspak 13
I love when people assume I'm mad or emotional because I'm PMSing. I haven't had a period (or PMS) in five years. So that's good for a laugh.
greenie213 23
Yeah, because we have complete control over that.
biggestfan23 11
Your picture fits in perfectly with that comment
rhysfucker 24
Nope. You were assuming you would be getting a BJ from the hooker at the truck stop. Seriously, she's ******' with you . Bail.
kryxen 14
Dude, I'm a trucker. There be some scary ass lot lizards at truck stops. I lock my doors and hide in the sleeper. Sssscccccaaaaaaaaarrrrryyyyy!!!!!
Enslaved 38
"Lot lizards" is such an odd name for truck stop hooker. :P
strawberrywine22 30
Lot lizards is what we Carnies call them :o cause the area we set up the carnival at is refereed to as the carnival lot, or just the lot, and they are like lizards, crawling around looking for something hot.
USPATRIOT 4
I really hope women now we can't control that we just get excited
RpiesSPIES 27
Your comment was hard to understand until I realized you spelled 'now' instead of 'know.'
babeababe 16
She should've happy that she turns you on. She probably would've also been upset if she felt that you didn't have an erection. Sounds like she just wanted a reason to be mad to begin with.
babeababe 16
Should've been* sorry!
junkman6 22
If it was soft she would have yelled at you for not finding her hot. Princesses man I swear.
joeydifranco 11
Penises: How do THEY work?
chelsearenaeee 16
I think you meant to capitalize DO.
chanellgymnast 17
Call her a "pig" for groping you without thinking that you'd get an erection.
HouseElf 13
Not a good idea unless OP wants to activate psychobitch mode, but what you say is totally true
crackpotL 33
High school is a bitch wait till college.