Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
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Top comments
6tori6 5
yet she is the one who put her hand down your crotch...
HandaPitler 1
Women, usually assuming we want to have sex just because we have a boner. i feel your pain op. my ex was the exact same way
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Comments (140)
picante72 24
She seems inexperienced or sheltered.
lukep135 6
right that's the reason. Or she put her hand down your pants and let go dissapointed. She then had to give a BS excuse to get out of having sex with a stub
carminecris89 13
Dump her. You should feel that way, it means you're into her. It was awful of her to berate you like that. When I'm Making out with my boyfriend and things don't go there, I'm very disappointed. She's a bitch.
Devilpuppy0861 7
And you are too if you get upset when your man doesn't have one. Sometimes we have bad days and just aren't down just like women.
disguy115 4
I think you mean we sometimes aren't up...
ColbyGB 13
Shouldn't she be happy that she's good enough to give you a boner?
EvaWarrior 8
I love when I give my bf a boner, it means im doing a good job
marti1497 10
You're like 10.
little_one 20
Apparently she's 17 she only looks 10. Which if she is I couldn't say anything, because I was the same way at that age.... Or maybe at 15...
hamizami 3
#150 i was thinking the same but she is like 17...says her profile
drew66758 5
ur ******* 17 u shouldnt be doing that anyways
karlcolt45 19
thinking to himself “nobonernobonernoboner oops!"
bryce2552 4
Get out. Get out and run far, far away while you can.
PincessBoff 6
Run away, Simba. Run. Run away, and never return.
doumtabarnack 12
WTF? Anyway there's nothing wrong with wanting to have sex. It's not like you were pressuring her into it it's normal to get an erection at that moment
superdom 12
You would have to rewire your brain to not get a boner
HaneenDixon 16
Yes, but that is not the only reason guys get boners. Sometimes it happens even when their brains don't think of that. Just more blood rushing in than out.
Zomg_Okay 27
And usually when you're about to give a public presentation. -.-'
noelasis94 18
Well first rule about sex is never assume you'll have sex second rule about sex is never assume you'll have sex so I don't need to wash rinse and repeat I think you've got it by now