Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
Today, I got a nipple piercing. My girlfriend thought I was pranking her with a fake piercing, because I wouldn’t be "daft enough" to get a real one, and she yanked it off, or rather through, my nipple. Yes, it cut my poor nip in half, and I now have two nipples where once I had only one. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
osm1989_fml 6
The way this is worded makes me picture your nipples in tears.
spazz666 18
"What in the name of Dawkins" that's fantastic. Also, maybe she's just trying to tell you she's into pain. Sure would be a weird way of showing it, but ya know.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
Xatraris 38
Who is this Dawkins everyone keeps talking about!? He sounds so popular.
geekpower_fml 28
Google is your friend.
Xatraris 38
Sarcasm is not. Oh well, doesn't register through to everyone.
hooligyn123 18
You can only use the sarcasm card when it's legitimate, not to cover up a bad comment.
lylid 2
richard dawkins, author of "The God Delusion" among other scientific works.
someguy314159265 15
Well, you took the name of Dawkins in vain, so maybe that's why.
otecasacid 22
If your girl does something to you, do it back. It'll be alot more arousing to you.
az_trumpet 1
Well, it could have been worse, she could have stuck a finger up your arse.
CanadianCutie22 16
as long as she enjoyed it !
geekpower_fml 28
I used "bacon" in sentences like this, but I shall switch to "Dawkins". Much better.
simplysarcastics 26
Sometimes people do things like this for amusement or to irritate someone. In high school i would out of no where pinch or pluck my friends for fun in class while they were off guard because it was amusing. Haha. But i never did it to the extent where someone cried! I guess she is just one of those people in a higher form or something. If this is the case, protect them nipples op!! Or give her a purple nurple back!
Bibliovore 26
You would try to hurt your friends, even minorly, "because it was amusing"? Somehow I doubt the people you did it to were quite so amused, any more than OP was in this case.
simplysarcastics 26
Yeah they actually were because it's just playing and we were just kids... No one was hurt in the process, just kids playing.
Bibliovore 26
This may be news to you, but kids absolutely can be hurt. And can hurt others. And some kids' "games" are other kids' misery.
LebanonBaby 26
LOL.. Favouriting this ! Totally made my night !
xgetxbentx 13
The female is beginning to show signs of dominance with her mate as she causes him pain for her entertainment. *i say with a thick Australian accent*
Vinnie500 14
What did you do to "deserve" that?? Ummm, MAYBE, start dating the dumb girl.