Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
Today, I got a nipple piercing. My girlfriend thought I was pranking her with a fake piercing, because I wouldn’t be "daft enough" to get a real one, and she yanked it off, or rather through, my nipple. Yes, it cut my poor nip in half, and I now have two nipples where once I had only one. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
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Top comments
osm1989_fml 6
The way this is worded makes me picture your nipples in tears.
spazz666 18
"What in the name of Dawkins" that's fantastic. Also, maybe she's just trying to tell you she's into pain. Sure would be a weird way of showing it, but ya know.
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Comments (114)
Axel5238 29
I feel for you op. I had a gf that when cuddling you to bite my nipples through my shirt and leave them black and blue. Somehow I think though most girls don't think men's nipples/ balls are sensitive as theirs lady bits and tend to abuse that.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
While cuddling to op she bit you? Why was she cuddling to op?
Bibliovore 26
Did you ever ask her directly to stop? If someone I were dating wouldn't stop after something like, "Hey, cut it out -- I'm serious. That hurts. Please don't ever do it again," I'd break up with them.
Marblecakelolz 11
Time to do the same to her. lol
paulbrec 11
That's called a ""Tittie Twister"", and I have no idea why girls do that. Maybe you should do it back.
perdix 31
You deserved it for deifying a famous atheist. Although Richard Dawkins may be flattered to be your god, he'd think you're just as ignorant and superstiious as ordinary theists.
AnonForAReason 11
*Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice* Who is Dawkins and what does he/she do?
taka3000000o 8
You did everything wrong. I don't go around thinking I understand women but I do know that in their eyes everything you do is wrong.
StanSmith2013 26
A fellow atheist I see, maybe she did it to see if you would cry something like 'For heavens sake' or 'for the love of god please stop that'?
EvilUndead 9
Either she's curious (less likely) or you talk about Dawkins too much (more likely).
liv_graham 7
maybe if he wants his nipple cut off, then he can retaliate
Not_Impressed13 9
Perhaps she just wantd to see a man cry?