Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
Today, I got a nipple piercing. My girlfriend thought I was pranking her with a fake piercing, because I wouldn’t be "daft enough" to get a real one, and she yanked it off, or rather through, my nipple. Yes, it cut my poor nip in half, and I now have two nipples where once I had only one. FML
Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
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Top comments
osm1989_fml 6
The way this is worded makes me picture your nipples in tears.
spazz666 18
"What in the name of Dawkins" that's fantastic. Also, maybe she's just trying to tell you she's into pain. Sure would be a weird way of showing it, but ya know.
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Comments (114)
a_frogg 9
My friend does it to random guys for fun haha
Welshite 40
Your friend is lucky to still be alive.
morella_xx 29
Your friend should quit being an asshole.
gameover18 17
You got a girlfriend that's what you did wrong.
DyslexicPanda 12
LOL, you sir, have much to learn...
Bakarra 22
EHRMEHGHERD GERZ HERV CERHTERS
9lashes 15
Hmm wear nipple guards from now on when your around her d:
TheCutestLizard 28
You deserve it because you say phrases like, "in the name of Dawkins."
Genociiide 15
duck face....
TheCutestLizard 28
Great minds think alike.
Shrike 24
*small minds
Welshite 40
Actually, #9, #12, and #17 each have one-third of a brain, and they have to merge together to form a single comment-worthy mind. Sometimes that process glitches, and that's why we get the repeats.
Azail 15
Damn it why didn't anyone tell me it was duck hunting season already.. Would've brought my hunting rifle
Azail 15
The question though is this Is it their final form?
wannabemom 5
Duck Season makes me happy, happy, happy.
MR_RODSQUAD 11
Get her back OP!!!
MrConcise 35
You don't have to be a masochist to enjoy rough nipple play, but be sure to check her mail for any packages from "The Backdoor Strap-On Store".
ShawnBushOG 9
just a wtf moment.
SamCat 21
She didnt think your Bane voice was funny.
Ayanpatel95 7
I think u should have returned her the same favor lmao
ShakeDisPlace 10
Dawkins ...hmm , you should of twisted her nipples 0P.