Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in line at Chipotle behind the guy ordering for his entire office. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML
Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was at a new restaurant when I went to the restroom. When I was done, I sat back down at the table, and idly started listening to my friends chatting. After a few seconds, I realized I'd sat at the wrong table, with complete strangers, who were too polite and/or bemused to say anything. FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, while I was working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML
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Top comments
drgnsf8 0
not an fml. why do people get grossed out when girls talk about the same shit guys do.
kerrygirl 13
and this is a fml because??? were u like automatically going to get with her since u sat at the next table???
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Comments (103)
Cruth 2
this isnt a fml you idiot.
cjammer 0
#20 Win!
cjammer 0
OP, like you've never gone to a fiery hot restaurant serving Mexican food (or ANYthing with spice, anyway) and made jokes with your male friends about how much it was gonna burn on the way out. Girls poop too... only ours smells like roses. =] But, no, all levity aside, really OP. It wasn't that big of a deal. Next time, don't eavesdrop. People won't make an attempt to impress if they feel as though their only audience is somebody they're comfortable with. YDI for listening in and creeping.
Sappheyes 0
Yes, it smells like roses, but you forgot the most important part. We girls actually poop rose-scented marshmallows, and the diarrhea is just marshmallow fluff. With chunks of mini-marshmallows mixed in. And corn.
cjammer 0
Win.
krazy_glu3 0
46- that made me bust out laughing!!!!
Reynard12 0
Uh... huh. This... may come as a shock to you, but attractive people poop too.
apfunction 0
I was going to ask, did you crap blood? you can use oxi-clean to get those stains right out of your underwear.
youthink_fml 0
So what? How does this affect you in any way?
adamarmy 0
lol south park
Stephie_fml 0
OMG WOMEN POOP!? Ugh, grow up.
Twi_lover_EC 6
Even atractive women! FYI
Anteezy 7
Buying new underwear every time you eat chipotle can cost you hundreds of dollars! With chipotlaway the underwear is so clean you could practically eat off them!
Sirin_fml 47
Of course.