Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in line at Chipotle behind the guy ordering for his entire office. FML
Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML
Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML
Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML
Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML
Today, I was at a new restaurant when I went to the restroom. When I was done, I sat back down at the table, and idly started listening to my friends chatting. After a few seconds, I realized I'd sat at the wrong table, with complete strangers, who were too polite and/or bemused to say anything. FML
Today, I was at my favorite Mexican restaurant when I realized my really cute waiter, along with his buddies kept looking at me and smiling. Trying to be cool, I took a bite of my burrito, choked, and spilled ground beef down my new shirt and in my bra. They laughed the whole time. FML
Today, while I was working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML
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Top comments
drgnsf8 0
not an fml. why do people get grossed out when girls talk about the same shit guys do.
kerrygirl 13
and this is a fml because??? were u like automatically going to get with her since u sat at the next table???
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Comments (103)
FlyPhoenix 0
STOP TRYING TO BE SUCH A SNEAK! YDI that's what you get! XD
capthavoc123 0
Sure is plagiarized from South Park in here...
iwillkillyoutoo 0
YDI. be glad she didn't go home with you and take a dump on your chest.
readme 0
Maybe I read this wrong, but sounds to me like they've got EDs. Though i couldnt hear the conversation, maybe it was just the food.
Erniesduck123 0
How does it sound like they have EDs? You did read it wrong.
allmidnighteyes 11
This is why you should eat at Qdoba.
Mike_H0ck 1
@ #67: No you eat at chipotle and enjoy it! consider the after effect just a bonus.. i do.
xmagster 0
ok, so let me get this strait... YOUR life is ****** because SOMEONE ELSE who would never go out with you anyways (who picks people up at Chipotle?!) is possibly going to have diarrhea. YOUR LIFE SURE IS ******!!!!
xmagster 0
sorry this was a repost...
menschmaschine5 0
No matter how old someone is, being interested in women in their 20's does not qualify them as pedophiles. You're only a pedophile if you're interested in people below the legal age of consent (usually 18), or, needless to say, children.
alex1432 9
this is fake because girls don't poop. it's a known fact