Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
Today, I was sitting in my garage with a fan on my face because it was hot when a suicidal cricket decided to jump into the blades, causing his cricket guts to be sprayed onto my face. FML
Today, I saw a small bug on the wall, so I decided to send it straight to the insect afterlife by smashing it with a book. The book crushed it, and caused my clock to come free from the wall and crash down onto my TV. FML
Today, I washed my hands and reached for the towel but felt something sticky. It was a house centipede. It exploded. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling across a poster in my bedroom, so I smacked the spot below it to scare the spider into climbing back up the wall. Instead, because the poster wasn't completely flat to the wall, I catapulted the spider straight into my face. FML
Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML
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Top comments
jim69_fml 0
YDI moron
schwancy 2
Have you ever tried using your foot? Or perhaps just leaving it alone?
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Comments (146)
jim69_fml 0
YDI moron
Jessi2487 0
moron? thats kinda harsh... i would say op is lacking capacity... or an idiot
sarah48_fml 0
cricket 1, op 0
Anaxes 5
Moron harsh? I'm confused.
xlostwithoutu 0
I love how everyone says YDI for things like this when you'd be saying FML if it happened to you. Don't reply lol
Kanvis78 0
The YDI is for the stupidity involved in creating the FML in the first place. Hence, you fail ! In other words, we wouldn't also say FML, because only a moron would have dropped the bottle from 5 feet to kill a harmless cricket. Enjoy.
ElMundio87 0
48 I wouldn't be enough of a dumbass to throw cans of paint at an insect so yeah, OP deserves it p.s. I replied, what are you gonna do?
msphatb00ty 0
**** CRIC GIANTS!!! brb
Bubbelz 25
+1
Swimmer248 0
I agree with 50.
cOOkiEzRgOOd 22
well that wasnt smart was it :D
myschyveus 0
48 he deserves it because he purposely dropped a container filled with(brightly colored) paint to the floor when he could easily have used his shoe or something else sensible.
Mars_Bars_Big_Na 0
it's a cricket what's it gona do steal your wallet? sexually harass you? I mean come on
schwancy 2
Have you ever tried using your foot? Or perhaps just leaving it alone?
LASHKEENYA 0
you are a moron.
B4SK3TB4IL 0
it's was a fake fml but good story anyway
22cute 17
YDI for being a pussy.
SoundnVasion 0
It's bad luck to kill crickets! You got lucky there, you would've had many more fmls later on had you killed it!
Saberguy13 9
really? in that case I must be going to hell for feeding crickets to my lizards every day!
Mirorbo 27
Insects always win when you try stupid methods of killing them. Same with any other vermin. Didn't you ever watch cartoons?
Anaxes 5
What about causing a rather large cliff to fall on the insect, would that work?
bailes_o_hay 0
naw has to be anvil or dynomite
lemontarts 0
You basically fail, you can't just scoop it up and put it outside...or use the time tested method of squishing it with your damn foot? WOW I'd hate to see you kill a spider.
goldhighways 0
wow dropping a paint can? you shoulda see. that coming. you should have just stepped on it
RachelTM 0
FYLDeep 26
It seems like you should have had a lot of red flags going off in your head that maybe this was a bad idea. First of all, did you ever hear of someone trying to kill an insect via paint canister?
fatalkiss 0
what crime scene looks orange?
Mirorbo 27
If someone murders an Oompa-Loompa, I suppose it would be orange...
DEXter501 0
Good one haha
FFML_314 12
I don't think OP was referring to the color. :P
Mirorbo 27
Fuhohohoho!~ I made someone laugh! Victory!~ *dances*
fatalkiss 0
well either way, op isn't the brightest lad...
falluke17 0
I'd hit it
geege1992 3
13 your really cute. hit me up sometime
GrEaT_BaMbInO 0
and your a loser. what are you going to do convince her to to move away from home to see you. try meeting people in the real world an not via Internet. it kinda makes you look pathetic. FYI
vballer123456 0
idk any orange crime scene lol but why a paint can use your foot or a rolled up newspaper or better idea let it live
crashsapphire93 4
who wouldn't date someone with such an adorable kitty?
fourchancookie 0
damn -13... your beautiful
xxjoseph1543xx 0
omg anyone could put sunglasses and a bikini and people would say they are pretty unless they're fat.
Djosef_fml 0
I just figured out the perfect murder. I will never get caught if I kill an Oompa-Loompa by droping a can of orange paint on it... wait a minute... OP, you're busted. Someone call the police.
TashaLenaKitty 0
Smart move,you should have known that would happen! Honestly, You should have just caught it and let it outside INSTEAD of killing it. Just my opinion though.
Norwegian_Wood 4
Yay! Glad I'm not the only girl who would rather take the bugs outside than kill them. Most of my friends, who are girls, would rather -I- kill the bugs. >_<
tencentsakiss 19
I can't kill bugs or spiders; I can't even kill ants :( I always feel so guilty.