Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

Today, I got bored on the toilet and decided to paint my nails. I ended up having to wait half an hour to wipe. FML

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

Today, I was clipping my nails. When I got to my toenail, the whole thing somehow ripped right out. I'm in agony. FML

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

Fireworks

Today, I learned that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

Ring of fire

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

Happy Easter!

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML