Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML
Today, as we were getting ready for sex, I told my man to fuck my face, and it was great until he shoved my face in his ass, yelling, "Eat my ass! Eat it!" I had to explain that ass eating is not something I'm comfortable with. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
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Top comments
alternative-facts 6
If he really wants to go that way, Jesus wouldn't appreciate you guys having sex at all, unless you were expressly trying to procreate. If your boyfriend is ok "wasting his seed" and fornicating for pleasure, he shouldn't be so hypocritical as to refuse to do it doggy style. Right?
Nabexis 9
Tell him that if Jesus really Cared what position people had sex in, there wouldn't be over 7 billion people on the planet.
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Comments (34)
Yudith 28
Just show him a bunch of Discovery Channel documentaries about the mating habits of mammals, then say "If God didn't like it this way, He wouldn't have horses, dogs, cats, mice, etc. use that position and no other."
species4872 20
The reason is that humans are the only ones that can dot it missionary style and as such people must do it missionary style to show that they are not animals. That is the religious logic for you.
Spongegar123 19
??"Let's do it doggy style!"??
NisaSayshi 24
Well, FYL indeed.
RinoaHeartilly 36
Oooooooooooooh boooooooy. Be wary of more things like that if you're not as religious as him.
rivenrock 14
He's crazy. Jesus LOVES doggy style!
kikimajigger 12
Missionary is the only Jesus approved sexual position. It says so in Matthew chapter 29.
Zanquis 22
I think he is mixing up doggystyle and anal..
Zanquis 22
Go find a guy named jesus, preferable with the jesus looks. And have sex with him in doggystyle. Yes it involves cheating but if he is using jesus to deny you pleasure, what better comeback then saying: "jesus loved ******* me doggystyle"
AzrielB 8
"boyfriend" not "husband", I don't think Jesus would like that you're having pre marital sex... maybe tell him no more sex at all , that would teach him to pick and choose with Jesus
Peter Tersteeg 2
Perhaps Jesus would prefer reverse cowgirl?