Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML
Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML
Today, as we were getting ready for sex, I told my man to fuck my face, and it was great until he shoved my face in his ass, yelling, "Eat my ass! Eat it!" I had to explain that ass eating is not something I'm comfortable with. FML
Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said, "Fuck no", then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and then asked me for a blowjob. FML
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Top comments
alternative-facts 6
If he really wants to go that way, Jesus wouldn't appreciate you guys having sex at all, unless you were expressly trying to procreate. If your boyfriend is ok "wasting his seed" and fornicating for pleasure, he shouldn't be so hypocritical as to refuse to do it doggy style. Right?
Nabexis 9
Tell him that if Jesus really Cared what position people had sex in, there wouldn't be over 7 billion people on the planet.
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Comments (34)
Iskillion 16
Wow. That's so tedious a comment that I wanna break up with your boyfriend.
wafflesandwich 4
if we're goin that way then bring up that Jesus also believed the female ****** to be a "gateway sin"
Mia Russell 4
Maybe ask if he'd like missionary better ?
DanielleinDC 34
I'm pretty sure that Jesus isn't a fan of unmarried couples getting it on either. You might want to tell your boyfriend that.
xoxoblondee 31
it's true. Jesus would not like you getting it from the back. He prefers getting nailed from the front.
urafaguette 3
aaaaaand... it's time for a new boyfriend! :-)
thtguyishere 2
Religious people are parasites.
T1A2Z3 35
You were having sex with your BOYFRIEND. Not your husband. So either way it wouldn't be appreciated by Jesus. Tell him that. Don't have sex with him ever again.
Kali Alina Gall 12
I don’t think Jesus would like you guys having premarital sex either haha. But he doesn’t seem to care about that now does he.
Chelle Belle 6
And yet... I noticed it says boyfriend, not husband. That makes him far more sad. LMAO.