Today, I was excited to see my ex-girlfriend. We had broken up while I was in Iraq and I wanted to try to get her back. I spent my first day back looking for a place to live while her and her new boyfriend got it on as I slept. I had chosen that apartment for us and paid for that bed. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my ex-girlfriend's house to bring her her stuff back. We broke up earlier this week after a two year relationship, and I'd hoped she would've realized her mistake and ask me to stay for a bit and talk. I rang the doorbell and her new boyfriend opened the door. FML
Today, after several years spent hung up on my ex, I was finally moving on. I was on a date with my new boyfriend when my ex walked past us. He broke down crying, got on his knees, and begged me to come back. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML
Today, I agreed to meet my ex-girlfriend at our favorite restaurant with my hopes high. She just wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. FML
Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that's for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago were inside. After they left, the "For Rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML
Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend. She dumped me because she was moving to Wyoming. I guess Wyoming is code for my friend's apartment. FML
Today, I met the girl who dumped me because the distance between us was too great. We're in the same city again. She's now dating a Marine in Iraq. FML
Today, a girl I knew in high school who now lives out of state came to town to visit and stay over. We've been talking albeit romantically for the past few months. Not thirty minutes after we arrived at my place from the airport, her ex-boyfriend came by and she hopped in his car. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML
Today, I got to sleep in the same bed as the love of my life...and her new boyfriend. FML
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Top comments
suckmorethanme 0
i hate when women do this to soldiers. you knew what was expected of you and you still married/dated one and caused trouble with other guys. what bitches. /grew up in military town, will NEVER understand this
k1w1 0
She could at least have had the consideration to not **** her boyfriend while he was in the apartment.
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Comments (89)
metonymy 0
You were looking for a place while asleep? Nice wording.
plexico 4
Ambien lets you do that.
thisyearsgirl 0
Exactly why I have no idea what this FML actually says.
plexico 4
It appears to say that he slept while he was looking for a place to live. People who have taken Ambien have been known to do all kinds of things in their sleep. That is one way I could make sense of this bizarre sentence.
Magnesiumbox 0
Poorly worded indeed. You were looking for an apartment WHILE she was getting laid AS you slept? If she has a new bf why is he anywhere near your new place/bed, ydi. That's when you tell your girl to **** off.
metonymy 0
My thoughts exactly.
metonymy 0
Sorry, FML is messing up again. This was supposed to be an agreement with #3 (PandaPandaPandaX). OP's ex has the right to move on with her life and he's deluded if he thinks he can "get her back" just like that after a breakup.
yabrett 0
So you spent the 1st day looking for a place, then decided to sleep wherever u were looking, and they came over and had sex while u took a nap? This FML is top 10 worst worded for sure. From what I gather I'm gonna say YDI because if she's already ******* some other guy they shouldn't be at the place you're looking to buy having sex while you're napping. What the **** did I just say?
tiancai 0
YDI for all the Iraqi lives that were ****** because of you.
wrestling49 0
ooo yea #18 the people in iraq were a lot better off with sadam hussein as their dictator..ur a ******* idiot, go die.
DrunkenValor 0
Could be argued that their lives were better with Sadam Hussien, sure he executed a few unsurpers, but on a whole? I'd say there was a helluva lot less violence and death.
blalien 0
A lot of soldiers signed on when Bush was still claiming that Saddam had WMD's. Also, soldiers do things besides kill people, like protecting Iraqi villages from death squads.
tiancai 0
LOL @ all the silly Americans voting down my post, it's hilarious. I guess you can't face the truth that you're just foreign invaders that have no business in Iraq. And your soldiers kill Iraqi "insurgents" (which is how you call them, in reality they are freedom fighters rightfully fighting the invaders), which factually ***** their lives and that of their families. If a foreign country, ESPECIALLY America, invaded my country (though this is not likely since my country has a nuclear arsenal, but just hypothetically speaking) I would definitely try to get as many of the invading bastards as I could.
sarcasticbitch 7
I think what he means is that: He look at for a place He's still at his ex-gf place He found the apartment (where his ex lives) and he bought the bed on which his ex and that guy are ******* while his sleeping. And to #18 shut the hell up
mariposa25 0
This is worse than the original.
kukopia 0
Check #19's name
ttownbeast 0
Shit happens, you'd have been better off sleeping at the barracks and finding your own place from there, this is one reason why it's always wise not to hook up when you're in the service. I don't get your misplaced jealousy--so you bought her a bed then split it off your loss right? nope you do not own her so why do you look at it as an investment?
plexico 4
Why did you buy her a bed before she was your gf again?
caancoha 0
19, I don't think so. Your grammar is awful and the timeline you gave us makes no sense whatsoever.
samhat 0
Actually it does make sense. By the way. This is Fmylife. Not Fmygrammar.
reader101 0
Today, I was writing an essay and I realised after I handed it in I'd spelt a lot as alot. FMG
sacredpoppy 0
Today, my teacher handed back the paper I spent 3 weeks writing. It was about olfactory senses. Needless to say, I used the word "nose" a lot. And every damn time I spelled it "noose." FMG.
epicwinmaster 0
im trying to picture this. you guys were looking for a place while you were sleeping and they were *******? so they were walking down the street having sex while they pulled you in a wagon while you were napping? come back and try again when you can write an FML that makes sense...