Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, I made dinner for myself after a long day full of annoying family drama. I had the pan sizzling away when I went to grab some herbs from the fridge. As I turned around, I tripped on the rug, sending the entire frying pan of food flying into the air. It landed directly in front of my never-endingly hungry dogs, so I watched as my ruined dinner disappeared. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML
Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML
Today, I was sitting in my room watching TV when I heard my mother obnoxiously yelling for the dog. Minutes later she stomped into my room, swatted me over the head, and yelled at me for not answering when she called. She actually got my name mixed up with the dog's. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML
Today, I picked my dog up and nibbled her ear. On the tip of her ear was a large tick, which burst, sending blood into my mouth. FML
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
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Top comments
Despereaux 15
But why wouldn't you just toss it down onto the floor near your dog?
IchigoDeathGod 14
Hopefully your mother understands! Wish you luck, cause we all know how scary mothers can be at times.
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Comments (41)
momof3honeybee 13
Put it on the floor next time so your not being fishy.
JoseTheSmexican 11
Lol dogs arent supposed to eat seafood according to my parents
iAlissa 34
I'm one of those assholes who gets super annoyed by begging dogs. I'd rather stick them in a crate than be pestered by one
TabooSushi 24
YDI for teaching your dog that begging behavior is acceptable.
ChristinePi 36
And this is why your dog was at your feet scratching. If you give into it they know what they need to do to get more.
Bragi 12
You were just teaching the dog to beg, anyway. Now it will never quit. YDI.
gogo44444 28
Am I the only that read "I was eating my dog"?
nesteremily 31
I can't breathe someone send help ?????
Yaser_Sharifeh 6
At first I read "I was eating my dog". I wondered how it made it here, then reread it.
latenerd 11
Tell your mom it's just part of the traditional Fish Slapping Dance. Show her the Monty Python video - she'll understand.