Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML
Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML
Today, I woke up on my boyfriend's bedroom floor. When I asked him why I was there, he said I'd gotten too hot, so he rolled me off his bed. I have the flu and a fever. FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called my boyfriend to get some comfort. When he didn't answer his phone, I called his house, only to hear his mother telling me, "He was so sad that you guys broke up." I didn't know. FML
Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML
Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML
Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML
Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
"Anakin, you're breaking my heart!"
Rommel1942 9
If that isn't love I don't know what is xD.
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Comments (138)
loserboii 11
The force of heavy cough & heavy breathing.
thejewishfuhrer 17
What OP needs right now is some tender... loving... medication. Heavy medication.
XPetrova 10
Well, at least your boyfriend is willing to stay by your side. No doubt that it was probably weird, but who cares? At least he is there.
XPetrova 10
Edit: Not physically by your side (b/c it said "called") but at least there to support you while you're sick!
MrCatman1125 2
But he patted her head, so he had to be there. Calling is not only on phones. I can call someone ugly without a phone.
XPetrova 10
Oh my... I totally read the FML wrong! Please disregard my second comment! Thumb it down... 44 - Call someone ugly without a phone? What's your point? Why that example?
patrickalamo 48
Comfort you? He's a man... Suck it up buttercup. We are not designed for comforting.
desoto96 9
60 I happen to be the manliest guy I know, and I would comfort my girl if she was in the hospital.
t_fml 11
That just stinks really (short breath) bad.
mfazi456 7
56- *facepalm*
twinkiefeets 17
I don't think 44 was calling you ugly.
XPetrova 10
91 - Yes, thank you. I know now... English isn't my first language, Russian is. But I just got confused for a second by the different meanings of "call" (telephone or in person). I do deserve a facepalm, lol I'm embarrassed. I was just concerned if 44 was calling me ugly, but looks like 95 believes he didn't.... not that it bothers me. I was just wondering why would he say such thing.
CallmeRyuzaki 0
Hey I know you. You are Xenia.
Meettitan 14
97- You can tell it was in person, because she goes on to say that he patted her. English is the one of -if not the hardest- language to learn correctly.
XPetrova 10
116 - who are you?!
CallmeRyuzaki 0
Sorry didn't mean to frighten you. You said you are Russian, which means you are Christian orthodox. Your user starts with X. I am also orthodox and the only name I know that starts with an X is Xenia. I don't actually know you, I was just doing some detective work. That's why they call me Ryuzaki!!
kyarush 10
That's a win in my book!
sens3sfailing 25
126- I also doubt he was calling you ugly based off of the fact that (at least in your profile pic) you clearly are not.
phatway12 13
Wow... you're pretty terrible at this aren't you?
2pepper3 10
Your father will help you heal..
muzy 23
... What the hell is that even supposed to mean?
2pepper3 10
Yeah, I don't even know..
MrPlopper 9
Bow chika wow wow!
blcksocks 19
It means #2 wanted to be one of the first to comment ...
2pepper3 10
78# you are wise beyond your years
Nilorak 24
I'm worried about your mental health.
jetsown08 21
This thread is just a congregation of shitty comments...
Nilorak 24
You worry me.
Nilorak 24
Bbbnll
Pleonasm 36
"Anakin, you're breaking my heart!"
Zomg_Okay 27
Don't be silly, Padmé. It's pronounced "neck".
Pleonasm 36
You know, that's the first thing I thought of when I saw that scene, way back when I was little. Padmé: "blablabla, whine, breaking my heart" Anakin: "No- I'm breaking your neck." *Force choke* He really should've said that.
SokDek 14
By the way, Han shot first.
tsent8 15
40- he could have done that but what he really wanted to do was run her through with his light saber. If ya know what I mean.
winkydog4056 16
#40_Riddle Winky Dog this Batman/Batgirl: Exactly how do you have time to respond to every post!?
Yellow_Fish79 11
The force of him being single. amirite?
Pleonasm 36
4- "Shitty comment, that was." "These are not the lols you're looking for" "I find your lack jokes disturbing."
BulldogHoops 14
Wow, you won't have a relationship last more than a week if you dump people for things so insignificant.
litallevy 2
Am I right** and no you're not...
moonboobs 4
Hey now 4, someones gotta pay the bills.
Rommel1942 9
If that isn't love I don't know what is xD.
hama806 19
Calling her Princess Leia would have nailed it.
bandofsand 10
Marry him.
KiddNYC1O 22
Isn't that comforting?
Zedd_fml 8
Those are THE comforting words in any kind of sickness..... ...or constipation.
AllegroRubato 16
Awww that was both awesome and sweet in its own way... :D Still, I hope you get better OP!
bestnameright 14
Lol idk it's kinda harsh! maybe she should force choke him!
gc327072 31
Dumbass, he ought to be concerned. That shit nearly killed me when I had it.
BulldogHoops 14
Me too, I had a couple surgeries and a chest tube. I lost 15% of my weight in a week. However, I don't blame him, I think he was doing his best to be comforting.
FlamingTacos 7
I guess I'm lucky then. I had it a few weeks ago and was fine after a week and I only went to the hospital to get medicine.
gc327072 31
23- I was having oxygen while they sorted out whether or not it was pneumonia. While laying there, I fell asleep, and the oxygen mask fell off my face. My dad tried to wake me, but couldn't. I was unconscious, not breathing. Had he not try to wake me, I would've silently died. OP's boyfriend shouldn't be so lighthearted. I guess I'm getting thumbed down for not being funny. Oh well.
CharresBarkrey 16
Holy shit, 83, that's scary as hell. They didn't have you hooked up to monitors or anything?
BulldogHoops 14
I feel for you, 83. I think our cases were both very severe but also very different. My doctor looked at an MRI to determine if I needed surgery, and said that I didn't. Unfortunately, he had looked at an old MRI, and I was nearing death. Thank God his intern noticed. If they had waited a day or two longer, a fluid developing in the right side of my chest would have pushed my lungs and crushed my heart, causing a slow, painful death. I ended up having to be carried around on a tray in excruciating pain as a tube literally sucked the fluid out of me. I had literally no desire to eat or drink for a week and a half, and basically lived off IV's. I had a central line coming out of my chest after it was all okay, and I had to go get it removed. I expected to be put under or something, but the doctor just grabbed it and yanked it out from under my skin. I don't think I've ever screamed so loudly in my life, that was undoubtedly the worst pain I ever felt.
gc327072 31
That's so weird! When I had a central line, I was put under for removal, though it only took about 15 minutes. And no, Mr Barkrey, no monitors. Shoddy healthcare FTW!
BunchieRules 31
Darth Vader's voice is awesome. Take solace in the fact that you don't sound like Chewbacca.
tsent8 15
Sex would be akwaaard.
hamrtym 15
Tell him he will be hand solo with his light saber until you are better. Welcome to the dark side.