Today, I was delivering packages as usual for work. I was dropping off a large letter to a hot girl. Before I turned to leave the girl opened her mouth to say something. Instead, she just vomited all over me. Her letter was my first delivery of the day. I had to finish my job covered in puke. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML
Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML
Today, I started my new job as a janitor at a store. The first thing that happened when I came in was another employee telling me that there was vomit in the restroom, and that I had to clean it up. Not only did I clean up vomit, I had to clean up the poop that made the kid puke in the first place. FML
Today, I was at my job as a dental assistant and I was told to take an X-ray of a woman's teeth. As soon as I put the foam piece into her mouth, she projectile-vomited all over me and the floor. I had just started my 5-hour shift. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, after feeling sick all day at work, my shift was about to end. Twenty minutes before I was able to clock out, some kid puked all over herself in the playground. FML
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Top comments
Hellcrapdamn 0
You sure have a way with the ladies!
teehee520 0
Eww, definitely FYL.
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Comments (50)
BurpusMe 0
I bet her puke was hot too!
velocraptor 0
LOL #14. Nah but seriously, this is like the most badly written FML I've ever read.
ubetrwatchBN 5
I dunno, I kinda saw all that stuff in the beginning as misdirection. Some fml's, when you start reading, you know exactly where it's going. This one ended a bit unexpectedly, which I thought was funny.
BW3Cmart 3
What can brown do for you? lol FYL
Exchange 0
I think she's pregnant.
uberkrissy 0
This would make a somewhat twisted but awesome ****. "Let me clean that up for you." Oh, there goes the pants!
SaintJimmy 0
Japanese octopus-eel-tentacle raping-poop eating-boob stabbing ****. Japan produces some weird shit.
mrdblq 6
You deserve it, but only because your name is fedexman, meaning you probably work for fedex and their service in my area makes people sick. In all seriousness though, you really should have cleaned and changed before continuing because handing people things while covered in another persons vomit is a great way to spread things.
CallMeHush 1
She may be hot but YOU stimulate her gag reflex.
themachinist 0
Well if it was brown vomit, and you worked for UPS I see this as a win situation...outside of the fact you smelled of barf all day.
zrjones 0
u should have cleaned up and got her # anyway. chances are if she was hot before she puked on u she still was after. plus u have the upper hand on her because she must feel bad about what happened. now ur using ur hand instead...
YouGotPwnt 0
Ask her for her # for compensation most girls will at least treat you to a meal of some sort for causing such inconvenience With that being said YDI if you didn't.