Today, I was cuddling with the man I've been seeing, and he started caressing the mammoth of all pimples on my back. He continued fondling me while lecturing me on the dangers of skin cancer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor to ask what the weird white lump was on my back, and if it was cancer. He told me it was the biggest pimple he'd ever seen. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I woke up next to my boyfriend. He gazed at me, stroked my cheek, and said, "Christ, you really need something for this acne." FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, I went on a movie date. During the movie, I picked a small zit on my forehead. Afterwards, at dinner, he couldn't seem to keep his eyes off of my face. I thought he was staring lovingly at me. He was actually staring at a large throbbing zit with a trail of blood coming from it. FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML
Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML
Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML
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Top comments
Ali_Br_fml 33
Wow, they always go right to the most embarrassing parts. He couldn't just leave it be? My boyfriend always seems to zone in on the thing I'm trying to hide most.
DRaffie 18
At least he cares about you, right?
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Comments (38)
jeffprobs 29
Shows your close, the closer the better right?
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
"Today I was worried my girlfriend might get skin cancer and told her. She broke up with me because she listened to the advice of random strangers on the Internet! FML" "If she'd break up with you over something like that, you need a new girl!"
ginger90 3
he could've thought it was a mole they are a sign of skin cancer if raised above the surface of the skin
sunflower_seal 17
Well at least he isn't grossed out . I feel you though, I'm not that skinny but When hooked up with a guy who could grab my belly and fondle it all the time and thought it was sexy . I almost died . But he like you the way you are so that's a plus always.
Nightingale1429 15
ungh oh yeah *sexy muzic time* *he leans into your ear and whispers seductively* "ALWAYS REMEMBER TO PUT ON SUNSCREEN"
Diddlydoo1632 18
This seems like something straight out of a comedy movie
UncleAdolf 6
You should really take better care of your skin.
MrErazo 10
Lmao oh man At least he wasn't squeezing them
patte_fml 19
That new breed of Hannibal's disgusts me. The old one's were a bit rough, but at least they got style.
cccook1547 14
Definitely woulda popped it. I can't look at one without having an urge to pop it.
nicholcm 5
I was thinking the exact same thing.