Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML
Today, my husband drank way too much white wine at a wedding and projectile vomited all over me and my car while I was driving. We were 5 miles from home and I have emetophobia (the fear of vomit/vomiting). FML
Today, I vomited so hard into the toilet that the water splashed back into my face. I instinctually moved away only to finish puking on the floor. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
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Top comments
chouter21 10
I can't help but get a flashback of the horrific 2girls1cup video...
unknown_user5566 27
This immediately reminded me of the Family Guy episode where Peter, Chris, Brian and Stewie are trying to outlast one another after drinking some weird medicine. It was disgusting as a cartoon, so I can only imagine how horrific it was in real life. FYL indeed, OP.
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Comments (112)
Szaszaspasz 26
A couple that prays (to the porcelain god) together stays together.
krysstar 5
Am i the only one who thought of Family Guy? The episode when Peter Stewie and Brian take a medicine and whoever doesn't puke the longest get the last piece of pie in the fridge? And Stewie pukes on Brian's head when Stewie pulls back on Brian's ears?
thathipsterchick 2
Ahh, Family Guy, the real life version....
Timmeeh 17
Who wants chowder?
thathipsterchick 2
20- that's lovely
Kog_Hiro 17
Sounds like someone had a fun night and I don't think it was OP. Well, until the end part, but that never stopped people before. Either way, sorry OP, I've been there. Ever debated on painting your walls a vomit color? Won't be perfect, but hey, it may help.
thathipsterchick 2
Is 'vomit' even a color?? 0_o
Kog_Hiro 17
There is green vomit, brown vomit, red vomit. All depends on what you eat/drink. Most have seen these before, just never thought if ir as a color.
perdix 31
This is why you don't console drunks when they puke. You need to point and laugh at them, and preach to them the horrors of Demon Alcohol.
zandalee 20
You two sound like a barrel of laughs... Lol. Been there, done that.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Am I the only one who thought wife isn't his cleaning machine. I mean: he puked - he cleans. Where is the necessary respect. She's his wife not a slave... OP Stand up 4 yourself. It's not normal.
zandalee 20
Meh. My husband cleans up after me sometimes and I clean up after him sometimes... Is called love.
unknown_user5566 27
Personally, if my hubby was that drunk I'd be focused on caring for him- not bickering over who should clean it up. I know if I were that messed up after a drunken night, I'd want him to do the same for me. Edit: Oops, didn't see your comment #26. I agree wholeheartedly. :)
GoodLookingGeese 10
I see zandale we have a different point of view 4 love! I would never let my wife clean puke after myself (maybe only when I would be very very ill) because I respect her as a person and I want her to fell precious.
unknown_user5566 27
31- That's sweet and all, but you said it yourself: "Unless I was very ill." OP's husband falls under that umbrella. He may have brought it upon himself by drinking too much, but he's ill nonetheless.
GoodLookingGeese 10
Drinking is choice - illness not.
perdix 31
Interesting convo, but when I puke, I want to be alone. Most people shit alone, so why would they want company when they are emptying their digestive tract from the other end?
evilplatypus 39
24 - If hubby is that drunk, it'll probably be a while before he's capable of cleaning. Meanwhile, the puke would just sit all over whatever it got on? I think not. You can have fun fighting over whose responsibility it is to clean it up, I think I'd just pull my big girl panties on and do it myself rather than let it absorb into the wall.
kyat288 9
Return the favor ;)
unknown_user5566 27
By suggesting that OP return the favor are you telling her to get smashed, start puking, and then have her hubby throw up on her...?
kyat288 9
No, make a mess and make him clean it up...
allie2590 31
Who wants chowder?
ShockwaveXIII 8
Who wants chowder!? ^^^^damn...