Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML
Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML
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Top comments
BobNietzsche 0
"Only if you share, honey."
saailaway 0
"facial care" isle huh? :P
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Comments (97)
aziatic 0
Wow, i wish we could Boo FMLs - you yelled "vibrator thing" in a store - who cares??!! FMLS don't all have to be THAT serious but come on. I'm guessing you're a teenager, and therefore I lack the sympathy i would for someone who exists in the real world...sorry
Munkee 6
I hate it when people get all anal about which post is 'FML-Worthy' and which ones aren't. When I read, I just scroll down the page, laugh at the ones that are funny and ignore the ones that aren't. And they /are/ supposed to be funny, in case you didn't know. They don't have to be a life changing experience to be posted here. You must have a lot of time on your hands to scrutinize and evaluate every FML like that.
dragonstrike94 8
Haha you said anal
poopymonsters 0
noone ansar ask!
Jake_Dude 0
Tbh that isnt a FML/FYL thats not even embarrassing. It would be more embarrassing if you shouted "Hey mum can I get this anti pubic hair itching gel" even then it still wouldnt be that embarrassing.
Nusumu 0
"Yes you can have it, but only if you let your brother use it too dear."
Tequila01 0
Hahaha!
tbbays04 0
hahahahahhahahahha lmao. i "lol-ed"!
Qup 0
hahaha! that's a good one! thanks!
aback 5
Did she say, "That's not a vibrator, THIS is a vibrator!" and haul a jackhammer out of her purse?
funshit123 0
it would b funny if the jackhammer was black, too. a huge black jackhammer
purple5 0
Uh, that's how they actually spelt it? :/
blueworld_fml 0
"Yes dear, just keep it down..."
tatilalicious 0
lol, nice choice of words there..