Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a restaurant when I made eye contact with a baby across the room. It smiled at me, so I smiled back. The baby immediately started screaming. Everyone stared at me like I'd just threatened it. FML
Today, I was sitting down in a store when a stroller stopped by me. While the parents were fixing the strap, the baby looked at me, gasped, looked at me again, gasped, and then screamed. Ten minutes later, another baby looked at me and screamed. My face scares babies. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML
Today, while waiting in line at a store, a toddler behind me was throwing a major meltdown while his father yelled at him, giving me a migraine. I turned to the woman behind me and said, "Can you believe this kid? I feel sorry for his mother." Turns out the woman was his mother. FML
Today, in a bustling store, a woman waved at me. I didn’t recognize her but waved back enthusiastically and approached her. She frowned and said, “I was waving at my daughter.” Her daughter was behind me. A store clerk saw the whole thing and said, “Happens a lot to lonely people.” FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, I went to Subway. A lady was in the line with her toddler. The kid screamed in his bid for attention, while his mother and the cashier ignored him, to the point that his voice became a loud screech and the sandwich artist couldn't hear me. I bellowed, "SHUT THAT KID UP!" Silence and glares followed. FML
Today, I was going into a store and saw a woman roughly handling a screaming toddler. I kept walking, until I heard the kid scream, "Help! You’re not my mommy!” I called 911 and stood behind the car to keep her from taking off. The cops arrived to see me fending off blows from a very pissed off grandma. FML
Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML
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Top comments
Dreamsorrow93 24
Eh, less wait to checkout.
xlord 27
Hey you just found out a new method for moving up the queue at places. This is a massive win!!!!
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Comments (30)
zacadrien0899 23
first, Don't thumbs down please. this is an achievement for me.
Dreamsorrow93 24
Eh, less wait to checkout.
xlord 27
Hey you just found out a new method for moving up the queue at places. This is a massive win!!!!
WittyMoron 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"Mild concern"? My child is losing their head over there.......ugh.....
doge_ram 16
lol it's not you don't feel bad. Babies cry all the time
Amateur_Dank 17
Damien
worldclassrager 41
I usually smile and they sometimes smile back...but with your name i am not sure what would happen..
8Dirty1 24
ahh so she turned the other cheek haha
skippydoda 32
Don't worry, babies cry over the stupidest things.
Rosebudx 32
Cranky baby, not your fault. Protip: if you see a young'un screwing up his or her face after you smile in their direction, either hide your face with your hand (peek-a-boo) or make a goofy face. Nine times out of ten, that works for me from behind my counter in the library, and my success rate in the general populous is almost as good.