Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's in a back room that wasn’t connected to the main house. I really had to pee, but neither of us wanted to go into the house, so he told me to just go outside in a cup. I ended up having diarrhea in a cup in my boyfriend's backyard. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I wanted to kayak. On the way, I told him I had to go back to our hotel because I needed the bathroom and didn't want a public one to smell. Once back in the elevator at the hotel, it got stuck. For an hour. I pooped myself and had to wait 40 minutes after that for help. FML
Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML
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Top comments
audreyfml1994 15
He probably would've stopped his shower for a minute so you could use the toilet. I know it may be embarrassing, especially with him being a new bf and all, but seriously? ******** in a bag?
iLike2Teabag 27
It's not that nasty. Everyone knows that when girls poop, glitter and pink fairy dust and a rainbow comes out. Right..?
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Comments (217)
beaverteaser 16
set it on fire and run
ElectroThunder28 16
This is most likely a stupid question, but OP, why didn't you just ask to take a dump in the bathroom?
whathefuckislife 11
oh my god you stole this from cosmo
Crazynocatlady 22
I'm not sure that's how a colostomy bag works...
graceinsheepwear 34
Did you put the bag in your purse and take it home?
SwtCherryPie 26
Then you snuck out and realized you forgot your poop bag on the counter but you were locked out of his apartment? Also, get over yourself. Everyone poops.
guiltnazan 23
Oh god, That's the exact story I thought of when I read this and came to the comments to see if anyone had mentioned it. Good on you
dat_becky 17
I MUST see this fml!
mattrd_fml 31
So instead of stinking up the bathroom you stunk up the entire apartment. Sorry op but ydi.
driinkbleach 18
You definitely would have been better off just leaving to a close business that would let you use their bathroom, or a bush or something if you live in a rural area.. you could have always just come up with a reason why you had to leave or even just admit you had to use the bathroom..lol :D
aussiecyclist 15
..girls don't poo.
sicksadworld1317 30
Excuse me, Sir- but we do too poo. Our waste is composed of all the rainbows and glitter we're too beautiful to contain. Aren't ya jealous?
brandoneyez1 25
I'm not sure which is worse. He still would have found the shit bag.