Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got questioned by the police. Last night I was at a party when a bully of a kid who happened to be an aspiring MMA coach and local fighter was picking on me, stole my alcohol and threw me out of the party. I heard he got stabbed by someone else he was picking on after I left. The police insist it was me. FML
Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML
Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML
Today, I was at a party when the cops showed up. They asked whether anyone had a gun, but I heard "fun" instead and raised my hand. I got searched. FML
Today, I was at the gym when I saw one of my friends at the water fountain. I went over and gave him a man ass slap while he was drinking. It wasn't my friend. I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML
Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML
Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML
Today, I was not yet wearing my bouncer uniform when a fight broke out at a club. I intervened, only to have the cops who showed up tase me because they thought I was part of it. FML
Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML
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Top comments
pradip 26
Since everyone was drunk, remove the black jacket and pretend like someone else.
kakarot2 11
Ask your neighboring drunk buddy and tell him he looks cold and that you feel like being nice and let him borrow your jacket.
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Comments (60)
leadwithlove 1
Boondocks saints!!! Favorite movie!
poccocurantes 7
What is it with Boondocks Saints? I watched it last night and now it's turning up everywhere.
bluevayero 42
so how is your ass now?
False_Stupidity 42
Run forest, RUN!
reallycooldude 10
"Today, someone wanted to beat me up." This gets the approval of the moderators?
onorexveritas 24
wait for it.
broncos67 9
Probably did something to deserve it
KaiCer0 8
Run forest ruuun!
poccocurantes 7
ignore it. Probably wasnt talking about you anyway. If he confronts you, then you can find out what his problem is and talk it out. If you can't talk it out at least he has had time to drink more and you should have slowed down so you can beat his sloppy ass.
seacadet 18
Have you ever tried "talking it out" with a drunk person?
poccocurantes 7
You have to make a token attempt.
gc327072 31
And then boldly ask him if he even lifts.
justernie22 7
if he's drunk just run around him and get him so confused!