Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML
Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML
Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML
Today, at a supermarket entrance, a seemingly drunk old lady said, "Sir?" as I passed by. I just ignored her and walked in. When I walked out with my groceries fifteen minutes later, several people were standing around her, calling for an ambulance. She'd passed out on the ground. FML
Today my 98-year-old grandad has Alzheimer’s and seems to think I’m his senior officer from his first years as a police officer. Apparently a lot of illegal shit went on in those days, when cops were bigger crooks than the actual criminals were. FML
Today, I was at Wal-Mart where all the aisles had been moved. An elderly woman asked me where the pet products were, so I told her that I didn't know, but showed her where they could be. An hour later, she came back with security. She'd told them I'd purposefully gotten her lost. They threw me out. FML
Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML
Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML
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Top comments
Ali Alexandrea 16
83 and on FML, damn I'm impressed
EarthsMightiestHeroes 20
My great uncle has the same problem. He's 96 and still drives himself around. His only problem is he's got hearing problems, and he's loud as a result. But people just assume he's a crazy old man and kick him out of places, and call his kids to come get him. It's humiliating for him.
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Comments (16)
azouwa 26
ha ha ha. that's awesome. sorry.
Ali Alexandrea 16
83 and on FML, damn I'm impressed
notatfault 8
Literally my thought lol
engineerosaurus 26
That’s terrible. Live a long and healthy life only to be harassed by ageists.
EarthsMightiestHeroes 20
My great uncle has the same problem. He's 96 and still drives himself around. His only problem is he's got hearing problems, and he's loud as a result. But people just assume he's a crazy old man and kick him out of places, and call his kids to come get him. It's humiliating for him.
Glowworm56 27
My grandpa is also 96--except he's no longer allowed to drive after he had a non-dangerous crash a few years ago. He also has hearing problems, but he's had those for years. Other than that, he's completely aware and awesome!
RichardPencil 32
Did you remember to have a shopping cart with you? Walking around with a look of wonderment like you’re in a museum will raise suspicion!
Glowworm56 27
I don't understand why people assume you've wandered off from a care center just because you're in your eighties.
Ilmoran 20
We're you carrying a grocery bag full of thongs and claimed they belong to your 76 year old girlfriend?
Ilmoran 20
*Were... damn autocorrect and lack of editting.
PhoenixChick 26
Okay, maybe maybe I can get the store or someone calling the police. Just to make sure. But WTF are the police doing actually escorting you out for being ...old? Is that actually a crime now? Did they ask you anything to see if you were coherent or just grab you?
acmariner99 25
A bit discriminatory don’t you think?
JaneSimple 28
You are Awesome!