Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML
Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML
Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML
Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, one of my employees lied to his mother and told her that I’m his girlfriend, so she actually came to invite me to Sunday dinner. Nice woman, but I had to tell her he lied, since I’m married, to my wife. She kicked up a huge stink in the shop and accused me of using her son for "hetero sex". FML
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Top comments
fatalkiss 0
She's embarrassed because now she looks like a paranoid bitch who jumps to conclusions. So to justify her behavior, she marks you as "the asshole". It's obviously her own issue. Hopefully, she realized that soon.
Freeze_fml 17
That's how it goes unfortunately.
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Comments (251)
deanodev 0
I think the asshole is your wife...
nessaface25 14
isn't she kinda the bitch here, if anything, for accusing you in the first place and not believing you after explaining to her?
a_nutritionist 10
very good. wow, this fml is really bringing out the academics. so many people understanding the fml and repeating the point of it here for everyone to read. i bet youre a doctor.
CaptainDouche 0
I bet she's a theoretical physicist. She summarized it REALLY well.
MrMonk 5
what was she doing in the car and not the kitchen?
hazardoussmiles9 22
I'd rather be an asshole than a cheater.
CaptainDouche 0
agreed
slappygecko 21
amen.
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
Tell her to fuckoff... if she balks... divorse the bitch!!!
Magnimus 4
Grow a pair, OP. Make her make you a sandwich, and not just any sandwich; but like a Monte Cristo, and it better be the best ******* Monte Cristo you've had in your life, or she walks. Two can play the dump game.
CaptainDouche 0
hell yeah. when the bitch starts bitching, put the bitch in the kitchen.
BADDiam 4
Wow , your wife is a pain in the butt.
gruvychild 17
Awwww.... sounds like you make a very nice whipping boy for your wife! Either way it's; damned if you do and damned if you don't! You may want to look in to why she's not trusting you to begin with! Possibly she's got a guilty conscience... You can only trust as much as you can be trusted! Either you accept her abuse or you don't, simple as that!
RyryIARfml 0
Bitch isn't worth your time if she's gonna accuse you like that. sorry to call her a bitch, but a woman that cares about you will understand in full honesty and trust. it's just her having trust in your heart. if she doesn't trust the truth you know, as long as you were respectful, there's a woman out there that will respect your honesty and your word, not call you an asshole. everyone is ignorant at some point, but if you hear it from the horse's mouth and still accuse, you're a wrong person and don't deserve anyone's time of day.
sweetalicious 1
she shouldn't accuse you of everything, she's a biatch. slap the shiz out of her! XD