Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML
Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML
Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML
Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, one of my employees lied to his mother and told her that I’m his girlfriend, so she actually came to invite me to Sunday dinner. Nice woman, but I had to tell her he lied, since I’m married, to my wife. She kicked up a huge stink in the shop and accused me of using her son for "hetero sex". FML
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Top comments
fatalkiss 0
She's embarrassed because now she looks like a paranoid bitch who jumps to conclusions. So to justify her behavior, she marks you as "the asshole". It's obviously her own issue. Hopefully, she realized that soon.
Freeze_fml 17
That's how it goes unfortunately.
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Comments (251)
boredinjp 17
Is there any particular reason you're calling your mother "them"? I thought it would be pretty clear that since you're talking about your MOTHER, there would be no need to be PC.
Jk530 1
uhh, maybe he's talking about his Mother AND his Wife...
McAninch35 9
Derp.
androiddestroya 7
dumbass. I mean really?
Jk530 1
My ex wife accused me of cheating all the time. Then I found out it was because she had a guilty conscience, you might want to rethink this.
aardvarkish 17
33, right on the money. I remember an ex-gf constantly accusing me of cheating. One day I realized that all the things she used as proof were actually things SHE was doing. Of course, her line "It's none of your business!" was the first clue...
a_nutritionist 10
i take it you then proceeded to use her while finding another woman worth staying with, then ditching her when you were done, right? unless you wanted to save the relationship, in which case, i guess you just beat her into submission and she now lives on a chain.
holybuckets 0
She's emberassed by her assumations. I suggest you just drop it, move on. :)
darkness4dummies 0
when youre in a relationship and your partner always assumes youre cheatin on them then that person is cheatin on you its true...
myxcure 2
38, always? Hardly. There are a lot of people that will try to forgive someone that has cheated on them in the past, but are suspicious for a long time after. Who said OP wasn't acting suspicious, or didn't cheat on her at one point in their relationship?
structuredchaoz 4
Should remind your wife she's being a bitch
myleshoops 0
... This is one reason I'm glad I'm gay...
meggieh815 0
... the same thing could happen to you
supermankisses 1
Gay people cheat too.
KaraShinee 0
I think he meant as in his significant other finding a lady's earring in the car. :)
CaptainDouche 0
A significant other could find a butt plug in the car.
myleshoops 0
I meant that guys aren't psycho bitches when you date them like this woman... haha.
astriofou 0
not ur fault ur just miss understood is all. crack a beer and laugh it over. ur wife will get over it
knocking 0
Eh, women. Unfortunately most of us are like that at one time or another. I hope this isn't something that happens regularly, because if it is, I feel really bad for you for having a wife like that.
structuredchaoz 4
Lol @ orgasmic bunnies. No. Wrong. Not all guys go through it. She's being ridiculous. And frankly so are you for agreeing
muscleglasses 0
she said you're the asshole? remind her that she was the one being a moron and jumping to ****** up conclusions because of an earring