Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML
Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML
Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML
Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, one of my employees lied to his mother and told her that I’m his girlfriend, so she actually came to invite me to Sunday dinner. Nice woman, but I had to tell her he lied, since I’m married, to my wife. She kicked up a huge stink in the shop and accused me of using her son for "hetero sex". FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
fatalkiss 0
She's embarrassed because now she looks like a paranoid bitch who jumps to conclusions. So to justify her behavior, she marks you as "the asshole". It's obviously her own issue. Hopefully, she realized that soon.
Freeze_fml 17
That's how it goes unfortunately.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (251)
jsegoviano100 0
women...
xXSillyLoveXx 0
With a wife like that it's a lose/lose situation.
birdfreak 24
she should be happy that you're faithful. :) I sowwee.
ariannaimelda 7
I hate when people can't admit they're wrong -_-
KDubs2156 0
I love your photo
ariannaimelda 7
thank you :)
OrgasmicBunnies 9
It's not your fault guy. Everyman goes through this in a marriage and you just gotta make sure to be nice to her and make good friends with the couch for about a week or two so she vents out and remixes her mistake. Then comes the make up sex.
fatalkiss 0
**** that. Why become a doormat & let her unfairly treat you like shit? Doesn't sound like a healthy marriage advice.
Freeze_fml 17
If only more women were like you.
CaptainDouche 0
Women do this. They make you a doormat and try to tell you you're the one in charge. They really just want an excuse to complain about what we are doing. Always letting us know we could be doing a little bit better.
holybuckets 0
Alot of women are really stubborn. So when it comes to being in the wrong, it just takes time for them to realize the mistake and admit it.
a_nutritionist 10
women say they value a strong man. so put the bitch in her place :D why would you concede and go to the couch when youve done nothing wrong? i can understand taking some time, stepping back and making sure you didnt miss anything, but what youre talking is absolute crap.
DocBastard 40
With all due respect, I'm not sure I would take advice from a 17 year old kid. I've been with my wife for 14 years, and she is terrible at admitting her mistakes. And I'm for "picking your battles". But when you've done nothing wrong and she's completely off her rocker, the best thing to do is let her cool down for a few hours and then TALK TO HER. Shocking, I know.
OrgasmicBunnies 9
23, Coming from my view I started thinking "hmm, if he argues with her how would she view him? would he be more of an ass in her view? what problems would arise from the argument?" I was just trying to give helpful advice that failed I guess.:(
FarSide 23
I smell butt sex in somebody's future.
12dcevin 5
lol thatd be awesome but never gonna happen
Capt_Oblivious 10
It's an argument with a woman, when will you learn that you can not win and, no matter what happened, you're gonna be wrong. Just accept it and move along.
EvanAGD 7
bitch is insecure
xXshadowrollerXx 6
She has insecurity. BITCHES LOVE INSECURITY!
scruffy_janitor5 1
your not gonna win this fight. she's way too paranoid and insecure.
TripOnShoelaces 0
Hm. Maybe you two need more communication? :I
CaptainDouche 0
They're right. You can't win. Want to know why? Cause it's time to slam jam! No, not really. Cause women will argue with you and pull out all the stops to win. But if they do lose, they will just get mad at you anyway and come up with a bullshit reason to justify it. True story.