Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a misunderstanding led to me falsely accusing my husband of cheating. We cleared it up and he forgave me and everything, but my parents are still convinced that he cheated, and won't believe me when I say he wasn't. FML
Today, I witnessed my mother-in-law reach into my wife's purse and practically empty it out into her pocket. When I confronted her and called my wife into the room, both of them accused me of lying through my teeth, because I've always hated her. FML
Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML
Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML
Today, my mother accused me of getting another lip piercing done on the sly to spite her. She finally realised I have more than one and won't believe I've always had two. Thanks for noticing, mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML
Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML
Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML
Today, my wife upset herself by ringing my best friend to see if he would lie about where I was, and he did. Now my wife thinks I get my friends to lie for me to cover up my cheating. I’ve never once cheated. This feels like the next level up from cheating on her in her dreams, because she's crazy. FML
Today, one of my employees lied to his mother and told her that I’m his girlfriend, so she actually came to invite me to Sunday dinner. Nice woman, but I had to tell her he lied, since I’m married, to my wife. She kicked up a huge stink in the shop and accused me of using her son for "hetero sex". FML
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Top comments
fatalkiss 0
She's embarrassed because now she looks like a paranoid bitch who jumps to conclusions. So to justify her behavior, she marks you as "the asshole". It's obviously her own issue. Hopefully, she realized that soon.
Freeze_fml 17
That's how it goes unfortunately.
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Comments (251)
jack_tells_truth 0
marry a crazy jealous lady, you deserve it
skullboy686 0
I know EXACTLY how you feel man. hopefully it will get better for you in the long run
lethal_judgement 1
your wife is a dumb bitch
lethal_judgement 1
your wife is a dumb bitch
sockmunky 3
better to be an asshole than a cheater. she just feels stupid that you told your mom so she's blaming you for it.
DylanVermette 0
hey :)
maffy4ever 8
You just can't win, OP. You just can't. Sorry about you being accused though, that's horrible.
TodaySuxx 7
#142... it doesnt work that way. You can NEVER really win against your wife. She may be wrong but she'll deny it and even if you DO win, she won't admit it. OP, don't worry about it, it'll all just chill out. No need for divorce over being called an asshole.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Exactly. We wonder why marriages never last anymore... I guess all these people telling OP to divorce his wife are a pretty good start.
tstevenson 0
ull never win
num1dad 0
ur wife is a Bitch
madashell43 3
Wow I guess ur always wrong then