Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all that, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
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Top comments
thequickredofox 0
Sheesh - poor guy was under so much pressure, what with trying to replicate every cliched movie ever made 'n all, no wonder he choked!
allmidnighteyes 11
Rose petals? Somebody's read a few too many romance novels. At least you didn't have a Twilight fantasy.... **** that shit.
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Comments (241)
Gillypants 3
if rose petals are your idea of perfect, then you totally deserve it. why don't you try having a moment of intense passion and see if he can get it up then. jesus.
Yaridovich23 0
What's with the rose petal thing? I find that a bit weird.
UseTheFrags 0
Unlucky :( **** all these guys saying you're stupid for having rose petals. If that's what you like, who cares?
jdannyl 0
You've watched too many shitty tv shows, that's not even vaguely romantic and certainly not erotic. Get your pussy off that pedestal. if you love him and want to have sex with him then do it, virginity isn't that important, you should only have sex with someone if you love them, doesn't matter if it's the 1st or the 50th time
iwadasn 33
Just because virginity isn't important to you doesn't mean everyone in the world has to feel the same way. For some people, losing their virginity is a very important occasion. I'm not saying they should expect their first time to be perfect, but it's okay to want it to be just a little more special than the average time.
Callyn 47
Well, no it's actually not ok to want the first time you ever have sex to be better than the average time. It's retarded to think that that is even possible, you've never done it before so it's going to suck. You're going to suck at it and if your partner is also a virgin they're going to suck as well, making it even worse. If you put any value on your first time, you're just going to end up incredibly disappointed.
windmillary 0
Or how about you're just happy that you're discovering new territory with a person you love and have fun doing so? It's not all about performance, it's unrealistic to think either person will be good at it, but focusing on only the physical is a very sad attitude. If you expect to be disappointed, you will be.
Puolukka 4
I agree with windmillary here. My first time ever was amazing...I was in love with the guy I was with, he was very attentive, we took our time and it didn't bleed or hurt at all. It's true, if you expect it to hurt or to suck,then it most likely will be going to. That's how women work, if you're scared of it hurting you're not gonna be relaxed and then it most likely WILL hurt.
joy1523 0
of course the first time should be "special". however, that doesn't mean its going to be mind blowing, or even "good sex". chances are the sex itself will NOT be that good. the only thing that needs to be good is the whole experience itself, which usually only happens if you are with someone you are comfortable with, if you don't put unrealistic pressure on the way it will play out, and if you both can keep a sense of humor during the whole thing...
3arl 0
wth do the rose petals have to do with it
broken_princess 0
nobody cares :)
Oblong 2
Isn't it your duty to help him get it up? It's not exclusively his job.. You need to help him, so I think you've only got yourself to blame for that.
Chfanfiction 0
YDI for saying "making love."
spank_u_veryhard 0
he probably couldn't get it up bc of all the rose petals and CD and crap. Guys like to keep it simple! ydi
sublime93 0
A simple dimming of the lights & a comfortable bed would have been enough. You kinda deserve it