Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone. After a short pause I hear him say "I love you." Smiling I say, "I love you too." Then he says, "I was talking to my dog." FML
Today, I had a horrible stomach flu and was well into my second hour of dry heaving when I heard my husband knock on the bathroom door. I was touched that he was worried about me, until I heard, "Honey, what did you make for dinner?" FML
Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML
Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML
Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML
Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML
Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Today, I was sick with the flu so my boyfriend announced that he would make me some chicken soup. It was touching until I stumbled to the kitchen and found out that his "chicken soup" was actually leftover KFC bones boiled in water. FML
Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML
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Top comments
whoaaahorsie 7
for a dirty translation, maybe "if there's **** involved i'll get on my knees and be your bitch" ?
lukybasturd 0
well me not understanding this is my fml. someone please comment an explanation.
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Comments (155)
lukybasturd 0
well me not understanding this is my fml. someone please comment an explanation.
Betz 10
Dogs love to eat chickens.
brookie_0841 1
It's supposed to be sexual
LadyClarik 8
Whether its sexual or not, what's creepy is she legitimately had this thought. She wasn't trying to be funny. She just really wanted THAT piece of chicken. Weird.
whoaaahorsie 7
for a dirty translation, maybe "if there's **** involved i'll get on my knees and be your bitch" ?
fsukid1021 0
#1 She means the 'other' white meat.
Jonkbaby 23
more like herbal diarrhea, amirite, amirite????
The_Troller 14
44- no, you're not right. At least not until I figure out what you tried to say there.
DeadxManxWalking 27
*******.
Furrywhiplash 14
She wants it doggy-style.
rogerover 19
Both 67& 82. Yea, both.
klatt 8
Today Im not getting the punch line or am I missing something !!!
Tsunami87 17
She's really attracted to chickens.
urdirtyolduncle 15
Did he say, "Dear diary, Jackpot!"
theladyofepic 3
I think 44 was trying to make a pun about KFC-maybe.
BadBoyz90210 0
26 - dark meat is so much better...
BrickWalls 2
Well all I can say is beg for a treat :D! >:)
waitwhatsgoingon 18
No...
Jonkbaby 23
lmao #122, I honestly didn't think of that. You are full of win though!
elidine 0
Yes. She wants the ****.
StopDropNRoll 11
Looks like someone is having chicken today.
somebody_special 9
CHICKEN!!!!
jellitonoctopus 19
Who doesn't love chicken?
oliver86 8
Vegans
jellitonoctopus 19
Ah, and vegetarians.
cc_the_beast 6
They love chickens, just not dead ones.
TheMaster15 10
Hahaha just imagine the reaction!!
ohSNAPyall 27
Maybe it made him laugh, at least. If you know his wife left him, he must be going through a pretty rough time.
jeob1992 8
Till now....
ladyLALAA 29
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight. *Maracas*
s15c 9
Sounds painful. FYL
Glitterhinoceros 14
Sounds kind of kinky...
TPSerigne 9
Very arousing. Let me get some of that chicken!
shanemaximo 7
Yeah, pretty much anything sexual that involves an old man, his dog and left over chicken is going to be kinky.
kodyrsswanson 6
Or is it?
pinkcrayola 0
Don't worry, OP, I'm sure he didn't mind. (;
BountyBass 13
Wtf
akito11 5
I had that same reaction
CryMoreFMLs 15
Some people are into that... Now now... Let's not judge... *cough*FREAK*cough*
hecseferblade 1
bet the old man liked that idea