Today, I noticed a rather small man being harassed by a rather large man, so I tried to help out and break it up. The small guy punched me in the face and said, "Mind your business!" The large guy laughed and fist-bumped him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML
Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, I saw a woman being mugged. I ran up to help and pushed the guy off of her. She then punched me in the face and called the cops because she was, "just living out a fantasy" and I'm, "a lunatic for trying to help." FML
Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML
Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his taser at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tased him for acting aggressively. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML
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Top comments
noobpwn12321 6
They could have been friends messing around...
TheJoeydark 4
I would've smacked him in the face and said "I thought you needed a Little help"
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Comments (81)
skitzoklown 19
Sucks to hear sorry OP
Lucia_Malpense 14
That has to be one of the most unimaginative comments ever.
ManInTheMachine 20
Well, it comes in a close second to "I don't know what to say" and "FYL".
DocBastard 40
Wow, way to try to scare the new guy away. Is there something inherently wrong with expressing sympathy? Is that what the FML community has become?
ManInTheMachine 20
Doc, the FML community trying to show sympathy is the equivalent of a porcupine hugging an infant. It does neither party any good, and one is left wondering "What the **** did I do wrong?" You tried, is what you did wrong.
Pleonasm 36
If he is indeed new, he could have done a lot worse for himself: cut the guy a break. he didn't say first or lol
Lucia_Malpense 14
There's a difference between expressing sympathy and being vaguely condescending.
LiterOfCola 16
Personally, this is my least favorite type of comment. There's no point to it; we don't know OP, OP will probably never read this, and it would not affect OP at all even if they did read it.
mjacv2 5
Im going to be nice and say Welcome to FML and next time don't say stupid shit pretty please.
noobpwn12321 6
They could have been friends messing around...
porcupineattack1 5
Yeah shouldn't assume so quickly
Werken247 14
Or lovers having a spat. I'm betting the short guy was the butch one.
sirpantselot 22
When will people learn, Joe Pesci doesn't need anyone's help!
imavelociraptor 6
If they were just friends messing around why would he punch OP in the face? He could have just said "we were just kidding" or ignored him.
TheJoeydark 4
I would've smacked him in the face and said "I thought you needed a Little help"
crimsonlover4 31
Yea he could've shown a little gratitude.
jacsoccerdude3 10
Until the larger man punches op back in the face.
TheJoeydark 4
Lol yeah that's true, he should've then done a hit, and run! :D
TurboTurkey 9
Exactly what I was gonna say. lol That is, if OP is a fast runner.
OhAidan 7
Sounds like you solved the problem, Congrats OP!
olpally 33
Anybody else think of fat bastard and mini me from Austin powers? Lol. Fyl op.
gc327072 31
Get in my beeelllyyyyyy!!!
greenie213 23
He's not fat anymore, but his neck looks like a ******...
ICastillo 25
I though of the little guy from Family Guy, the one that always says... big whoop want to fight about it.
whiteboy896 9
Should of have stomped that runt.
klovemachine 24
I would say hit him back, OP, but he's short, so that is punishment enough :)
Vball6 19
Since when was being short a punishment?
Lucia_Malpense 14
You shouldn't have made an assumption... But at least you tried, right?
DontThumbMeDown 8
At least you're a good person for trying to break up a fight.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He was Grumpy. You should have went and told Snow White. She'd keep his ass in check.
LaughinStock 16
No, I think he was an elf from the south. They tend to be more angry then the ones in the North Pole.