Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML
Today, at my girlfriend's place, I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air, and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was, "Uhhhhgg, I'll have to clean all this up." FML
Today, I awoke to rose petals leading me to the front garden. Curious, I followed them, thinking my boyfriend planned something romantic. As I walked out the door, I was hit in the face with a paper plate full of whipped cream and sprinkles, and then locked outside. FML
Today, I called my boyfriend for a romantic night at home. I put on my hottest little dress, dimmed the lights, and put music on. My boyfriend stumbled in much later, drunk, and took one look at me before throwing up on my feet. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML
Today, my husband tried to be romantic by throwing me in a bed laid with roses. Too bad he forgot to remove the thorns first. FML
Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML
Today, I sent the kids to my parents' house, tidied the house, and made reservations for a fancy restaurant, hoping to surprise my wife. When she got home and I handed her flowers, she sighed and said, "Can you stop with the stupid romance shit? It's embarrassing. We're six years married, not two moonstruck kids." FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a poem, and left it on the bed with a rose for him to see after work. When I came home later, I noticed the flower in the trash, and the poem had been used as gum wrapper. FML
Today, I lit candles and scattered rose petals on the floor and on the furniture to surprise my girlfriend. When she came in, she sneezed uncontrollably because apparently she’s extremely allergic to these particular roses. The night ended with me driving her to the ER instead of dinner. FML
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Top comments
LOLYLIF 0
Aww.... Thats so cute, if not oddly disgusting.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Better safe than sorry, I always say.
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Comments (60)
BritishHobo 0
Ooh, poor me, I made out with my boyfriend but we didn't get to have sex! What a horrible life I have.
BritishHobo 0
Oh, and I got a funny little story out of it, too! Why don't I just go and kill myself, my life sucks so hard.
Rhaegar 0
Wow. FYL, seriously. That's disgusting.
danieee_x 0
Calm down.
Rhaegar 0
It's a good thing I'm already calm, otherwise we would have a problem. ;)
varutha 16
You can't wake the dragon anymore when you're dead, Rhaegar.
Camy123_fml 0
Hahahahah endless laughter!
danieee_x 0
Lol
XaosZaleski 0
Times like these call for the 'IDGAF' button or a 'DIAF' button. *clicks* Damnit. Still not working. >.<
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
*whispers* How to make this situation worse... how to make this situation worse... *scratches chin* Well, I guess if the younger sister was blowing up used condom balloons...
XaosZaleski 0
^^ If only. 'If your sister's the best, give her a test!' Can anyone say threesome?
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
Dude, the sister is 5 years old... I like where this is going.
BritishHobo 0
Only on FML could this pass without shock XD But yeah, it did sound like a romantic night. Rose petals... candles... sex... your boyfriend's five year old sister being home... I couldn't think of a more romantic evening.
perdix 31
A room filled with candles is hot. I mean literally hot, high temperature, that is. You're going to be generating plenty of body heat if you are doing it right, and the extra heat from the candles is just going to make you sweat even more and maybe pass out from dehydration. Screw candles. You should illuminate your lovemaking with Klieg lights. ;)
Intoxicunt 6
Well that's overkill. I say use those fake candles or an environmentally friendly compact fluorescent. :)
machete_fml 0
best jailbait ever?
benshady 0
were they used?