Today, I used the phrase "bitch please" in real life. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped me in the face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to high-five someone but somehow ended up slapping them in the face. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML
Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I tried to give my friend a fist bump. He thought I was trying to punch him so he punched me in the face. FML
Today, a customer yelled at me so furiously that she sprayed my face with spittle. I had to stand there, smiling and politely explaining that I needed to see a receipt before I could give her a refund. When she finally gave up and left, my boss bitched me out for "provoking the customer". FML
Today, I got punched in the face by a girl for asking if she was okay after I had seen her crying. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
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Top comments
gracehi 33
I agree. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped you. Then it was HILARIOUS!!!
crushedone 7
Bitch please. What were you thinking??
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Comments (85)
VeeDoll13 8
What a bitch move.
chiripa 3
karma is a bitch
Mister_Triangle 21
Bitched love slapping
mikeofthunder 13
Assholes gotta sleep. Bitches gotta slap
patrickalamo 48
Next time try "hey **** what's up"
junaidmasoodi 0
bitch loved to slap him in bitchy way
krysstar 5
You just didn't use it towards the right person that would joke back with you
mowmowlife 21
Inappropriate to use anyway. OP had it coming no matter what situation, except for trying to cheer up his politically incorrect Grandpa that's dying of obesity or something
nothing92x 13
You believed it to be a smart idea to say that to someone you thought was a "bitch"?
gracehi 33
I agree. It was funny until the "bitch" bitch-slapped you. Then it was HILARIOUS!!!
crushedone 7
Bitch please. What were you thinking??
Pikachu17 13
YDI
Warden1986 16
There a button for that.
mikeofthunder 13
I refuse to count this as fail for Pikachu; this is your fail, dude! =.=
KiddNYC1O 22
^ We know. =]
italianbby 11
Not really sure why you'd use that unless you were joking...
mielauh 0
Why would you even..?
Krirn 21
Should've just told her he was your nephew.
nothing92x 13
One FML off. Jump down one.
Drigr 9
You don't understand how witty and cunning this is. Both FMLs were written by the same person. The aunt said "Bitch please, he's my nephew" and got slapped by the 14 year old girl. FMLception!
Archay 13
Holy shit you just had like a 5 FML reference in one, my mind is blown.
ya_momma 4
You should choose your words carefully with that "bitch".