Today, my wife and I went shopping for new glasses at a local store, but we didn't really get to actually buying one. On our way back, she warned me that my glasses of choice should in no way be 'those big arty ones'. When I asked her why not, she told me that I 'look gay enough already'. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was pulled into an argument between a woman and her boyfriend. He wanted to buy a jacket and she wanted my opinion, as a gay man, on whether it suited him. I’m not gay, I'm even married to a woman. They were very surprised because apparently I look "super gay." Other shoppers agreed. FML
Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML
Today, my boyfriend said that no, I'm not allowed to get glasses and then accused me of wanting to see other men. No, I just want to see. FML
Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was, "Clean your glasses." FML
Today, I saw my grandma for the first time since I got new glasses. Wanting to be different, I got crystal colored ones instead of black. She said, "Thank God. You looked so dorky with your giant nerd glasses!" Love you too, grandma. FML
Today, I decided to do something nice and compliment a stranger. I told a girl that I liked her skirt and that it looked good on her. She just rolled her eyes at me and said, "I'm not gay". FML
Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I'd look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML
Today, I asked my crush out for coffee but she wanted to go shopping. When she pulled me into the dressing room for my opinion on a bikini, I told her this was too fast for a first date. She looked at me in absolute horror. She thought I was gay, as in a harmless gay friend she could take shopping. FML
Today, at work as an optician, I gave a little girl a new pair of glasses and asked her if she could see better with them. She replied, "Oh, yeah, you've got two big zits on your nose!" FML
Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML
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Top comments
lmmmr 0
Dude, she married you. She clearly finds you attractive. Quit crying.
Overcast117 5
It may have been a backwards compliment. Most women find gay guys attractive. And, ironically, most gay guys do not. :|
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Comments (140)
angorashi 0
Haha, don't get them?
speak_a_da_truth 0
Is that a question? OP don't worry she's jealous because you'll look better than her and it will make her insecure!
MasterModeraor 0
So ur a girl rite?
redsox4021 0
truth hurts get over it
dabears1011234 27
Take her advice on this one.
tNa693 0
aw!
isodufff 0
hahah awww!
albinorhino 0
Ouch #4
cms70 0
You're a fag number 4, go kill yourself. Anyway, OP, that was a pretty ignorant thing for your wife to say. FYL
nwc020 0
I like how you are saying his wife is ignorant for saying he looks gay, but you are calling the person above you a fag
3rere 0
how i love irony
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
Wow, #5...You said it was ignorant of the OP's wife to call him gay, but you just called #4 a /******/ although he did nothing. at least the OP's wife used a respected term! you're a hypocrite. if you know what that word means. OP; that was kinda mean of her :P
mister_moops 0
susana, do you specialize in taking what others say and branching off of it slightly to make your posts?
flakes_fml 0
5 you are an Iron
badabing94 0
but if you've got abs, you must be hot. (fit) gay guys are HOT!
ihateproactive 0
slap herrr
ugwmii 0
no. bitch slap her
JohnSlider 0
Don't let her talk to you that way. Women have no say in their man's appearance, and really, once they are married, should also have no say in their own. You do and dress however you wish, in fact, I believe she deserves a few lashings for trying to force her ill conceived opinions on you. They call wives submissive, certainly not the other way around.
EndZone 0
What the shit, are you still living in 15th Century Europe or something? Shut the hell up and get with the times, women are every bit as equal as men.
JohnSlider 0
What an incredibly rude thing to say.
delfinofrank 0
Are you from some backward middle eastern or south asian country where women are abused constantly? You're a sexist, chauvinistic pig.
suckstobeyou3 0
uh, excuse me? women have equal rights. were all people here. YOU deserve a few lashings, sexist jackass. and OP: that sucks. hopefully she was just kidding?
JohnSlider 0
Please, now you are all being quite silly with your woman's equality propaganda. Why is it so hard for you all to just accept the natural order of things?
EndZone 0
Wow are you kidding me? Must I repeat that society isn't like that nowadays? Or at least the majority of the Western World isn't, maybe you're off somewhere where this is acceptable. You're a moron, go get hit by a truck. Driven by a woman.
coldhands 0
hahahah
laurilauri 0
Just a guess, but I'm pretty sure that this was either meant to be sarcastic or he just wanted to be instigating. He probably found his comment and people's anger at it amusing. Either way, it's not a very good joke.
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
Wow, JohnSlider...sexist jackass much? I bet a woman could do YOUR job better than you. and why the **** should women keep up their appearance for men, if men don't reciprocate? WOMEN ARE EQUAL TO MEN. Maybe even better, since we know that we're both equal. I hate men like you, who are so close-minded and live in the fucking15th century. I agree with #48, go get hit by a ******* truck driven by a woman.
JohnSlider 0
I'm from the great United States of America! Women back talking may happen frequently in the Netherlands, but the men here certainly don't let it happen often! And a woman driving a truck? I've never heard of such a thing. Susana, I refuse to respond to you personally. Tell your man to get his act together, and get you in line, your tone towards me is simply unacceptable.
sawdy 0
go headbutt a bullet. In America women have equal rights just like in amsterdam. and it's not any of our faults that you've never seen a woman naked. asshole
darren824 0
hahaha
JohnSlider 0
My wife disrobes whenever I command it.
sawdy 0
she's technically not a wife if she has a penis....
JohnSlider 0
Please, feel free to come back here and have an intelligent conversation with me once you've grasped the concept of the human anatomy (including, but not limited to, the differences between the dominant male, and the submissive female body). Thank you.
sawdy 0
Look, he made a sentence!!!!! Can he do tricks?
JohnSlider 0
Men do not perform tricks, as that is the primary job of a woman.
sawdy 0
I cried when I realized that you can vote.
Jazzywrites007 2
Johnslider's wife is probably planning to pull a Lorena Bobbit as soon as he drifts off to sleep. Good riddance.
sawdy 0
probably already did. that's why he's so pissed off.
laurilauri 0
I shouldn't be encouraging you, because you're obviously enjoying how riled up everyone's getting, but I just have to say it. You are obviously not from Texas. It's quite possible that women drive trucks more than men down here. Actually, scratch that, it's probably about equal since everyone and their dog drives a truck! Anyway, I'll stop egging you on now. Please continue to enjoy boosting your narcissism by controlling other people's reactions! Have a nice day
JohnSlider 0
My wife would have absolutely no knowledge of the Lorena Bobbit incident as I do not allow her access to newspapers, television, or the internet in our illustrious forty year (and counting!) marriage. She knows only of what I inform her of, the reality I have preserved and presented her with is a clean, domesticated, appropriate one that any true woman would be honestly jealous of. She would also have no opportunity to do such a horrible thing to me as at 8 O'Clock I firmly lock her in her bedroom, I also keep locks on all the doors and cupboards in my house to ensure that my wife does nothing without my knowledge. We understand each other, and it is a healthy holy union.
sawdy 0
Ohhhhh I get it... She's not really a wife, just a six year old girl who you kidnapped...
JohnSlider 0
No, but it was an arranged marriage (set up by her FATHER and my FATHER of course) so we did marry at the age of six.
laurilauri 0
Nice backstory, except for the fact that your profile says you are nineteen. In any case, either you are lying about being a nineteen year old because you're an insecure old man with serious issues, or you need a convincing backstory to further promote this idiotic anecdote. Either way, you're taking this joke a bit too far. It's never a good idea to joke about enslaving people, especially since it could quite probably get you jail time. Yes, I know, I commented again. Really, I'm trying to stop, I promise!
sawdy 0
her 6 you 60
JohnSlider 0
My profile says I am 19 because that is my Christian age, not my Earth year age. It is not enslavement, my wife is fully capable of leaving me at any time that she wishes. Though, being a fine Christian woman, she realizes that if she does decide to leave me she will be damned to an eternity of hell fire, which will be God's enslavement of her, not mine.
hecuva 0
Hmmm... living with you.... eternal damnation in hell.... OH OH I KNOW!!! i'll be by to pick your wife up in about an hour... tell her to pack her things
sawdy 0
I'm sorry but you are so full of shit. It's because of ignorant assholes like you who claim to know what god wants that the world is as ****** up as it is today. LMAO #83
JohnSlider 0
Please, if you wish to be truly saved and live a holy life visit the Landover Baptist Church, where true Christians come to bask in the Lord's will and love. I am not a member of the Godless homosexual community.
sawdy 0
No, you're a member of the godless pedophile community. and the godless serial killer community.
hecuva 0
So you "bask in the Lord's will and love" but not part of the homosexual community? seems kind of hypocritical... you're in love with another man, no? ALSO christian church... little boys... i think this is all adding up now LOL damn it 86 you beat me to it
JohnSlider 0
I am not a part of the Godless Catholic church where they rape small boys, I am a part of the Landover Baptist community. http://www.landoverbaptist.org/ BE SAVED!!
hecuva 0
saved eh?? hmm.. don't think i need the saving, that's for your wife... and your brain, 45min, hope she's packing... did she get my text? If you add an "r" into that it sounds like something i would enjoy "Landrover" :)
sawdy 0
you think this is the word of god, racism, homophobia, distortions, and lies.
JohnSlider 0
I've grown terribly bored of this. I'm a 19 year old Agnostic, progressive liberal who campaigns for gay rights, equality, etc. Landover Baptist church is a fake institution created by an Atheist who protests the hypocrisy of the church. I voted for Barack Obama and I respect women and their rights. I've done this many times before but it never reached this length, thanks for playing, I'll be back again soon. I suspect this entire conversation will be moderated in 5..........4......3...2..
sawdy 0
if that's true than good game mate!
JohnSlider 0
You guys win! ;p
hecuva 0
HIGH FIVE sawdy!! :D LMAO that wasn't to hard... we should team up again
JohnSlider 0
You can still come and pick up my wife. PLEASE
hecuva 0
LOL sorry, got my own... turned around and everything, haha HAPPY CANADA DAY! (yes i know you're in the states)
Krystal_WRocks 0
That was one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. I actually made an account just to say this. Anyway, JohnSlider, you actually made for an intelligent conversation.
Ea12thquake 0
haha since when are there christian ages
californiaaaaa 0
Thank you for providing me entertainment. It was quite amusing to read.
nwc020 0
i can't believe that you actually believed him for that entire conversation
genius_man16 1
Wow, people here are retarded. You can't spot a troll even when it's so blatantly obvious? You have my props JohnSlider for winning so hard at trolling. I can't believe you got like 30 responses, what a champ.
420bliss 0
johnslider, you are hilarious. it's so funny when people take shit like that seriously!
suckstobeyou3 0
wow i fell for it XD the first comment sounded serious then i kept reading all the ones after i posted and then i got that it was fake. lol good one :P
thedrumsthedrums 0
sarcasm like that is hard to detect.. try harder next time. It's only when you post a second comment saying it's sarcasm then people pretend they knew it all along. Lame.
calculators 0
i love you
divineinstrument 2
Good performance though JohnSlider! I absolutely loved your posts. And for all the wankers that took his sexists comments way too seriously, thank you for being funny in a very dfiferent way.
gaysunshine 8
EXCUSE YOU???? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?? YOU CALL YOUR SELF A CHRISTIAN???
coldplaylive2003 0
You should have told her that you are gay and want a divorce and scare her a little
jessicaiscool 0
that's just stupid -.-
awkwardology 23
Because pretending that you're gay and want a divorce is the secret to every healthy relationship.
skullet 0
haha just get contacts
voodootrucker 0
then we would know he is gay
dabears1011234 27
Laser surgery?
jdawg777 0
Bitch