Today, I tried to inconspicuously hock a loogie. It went down my bra. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML
Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML
Snap!
Today, I was so tired when I got home from work, I took off my bra without removing my shirt which I've done so often it is second nature. I successfully removed the bra, then snagged the clasp on a loose shirt thread, causing my bra to take on a life of its own and slap me in the face. FML
Pick me!
Today, I wore my tightest, slightly too small, push-up bra and low cut top to impress a guy at work. He came over to borrow a pen. I leaned down to get one out of my bag and my nipple popped out. FML
Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML
What are you doing?
Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML
Malfunctioning equipment
Today, at work, my front-close bra popped open like an anime character, right in front of the two male coworkers I was talking to. My boobs flung around and I had to pretend nothing happened while subtly crossing my arms and waiting for them to leave so I could fix it. FML
Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML
Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML
Today, while out at dinner with my boyfriend, I accidentally ripped out my tampon picking a wedgie. FML
Top comments
jasony0423 0
You're a classy woman, aren't ya?
IIRoxieII 12
Saving it for later?
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Comments (80)
mrsjbiebs906 0
Ewwww
kaelynxboo 0
Well. Obviously you don't know how to do that very well!
uhhRawr 7
Then you don't know how to spit your spit.
teyyoshi 19
Hock a loogie? What the hell does it mean??i can't Google it st all!
savannahjewel9 5
Thats why ladies don't spit
turtleomnom 0
okay, so I'm sounding hideously American here but... the **** is a loogie, and how the hell do you hock something?!
savannahjewel9 5
It means to spit XD
LilliPage 17
What makes you think Americans don't know what a loogie is or how to hock something? I'm American and I've known it since I was too young to remember where I learned it. All my friends know how to hock a loogie, too. Maybe it's a southern thing?
cajunjynx 0
Hey moron, it is an American turn of phrase to begin with, and your assumption that Americans are ignorant is woefully unfounded, I as an American, speak English, German, and Arabic, have three degrees, have traveled the world twice, have seen combat all over the middle east while serving in the military, and have an above genius level I.Q. Stop believing the stereotype.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Hey 138, you certainly fit the bill for the stereotypical cocky American. Just sayin'.
Emperorerror 8
Woah! We got a badass over here.
cajunjynx 0
Just telling the truth. Nothing cocky about it. Sorry if your feelings of inadequacy disallow you to tell the difference.
5t3ff1k4h 47
Um, buddy, my feelings are far from those of inadequacy. You're trying to tell me you're not cocky, and then you spew that bullshit? Please.
cajunjynx 0
Look back, I made factual statements and you get defensive, I never said I wasn't cocky, just that what I said wasn't being cocky, I spoke truth, wich you where intimidated by, which is why you reacted with your big girl curser words. I get it, you want to show me, the dumb American, how wrong I am, but yet, you don't have the words. You are the one that ran out of logic and resorted to profanity. Just saying...
5t3ff1k4h 47
157 - Um, where is the logic in your statement? I'm not saying whatever you say you've done in your life is untrue. Obviously I don't know that. I didn't get defensive; I was commenting on the fact you're criticizing someone else because they're stereotyping Americans, but YOU fit the bill for the stereotype as well. YOU flew into a rage when I said you're being cocky, just like stereotypically speaking, all Americans are. I was not intimidated. I'm sorry you feel that way as you have very clearly misunderstood my entire point, but this is not intimidation. I'm not afraid of some cocky American kid who thinks he's better than everyone else. I ran out of logic? No, all you're doing is inflating your image/ego further to make yourself look better. Get this: you're not that great. You're an average human, just like everyone else. Who died and made you king? Nobody, because you're not king. Stop this nonsense and react appropriately to criticism before you freak out on everyone else. 'Bullshit' IMO is not an offensive word, and there's no reason for you to be upset over a single curse word. Using it doesn't mean I have no logical argument; rather, it means you're spewing just that: bullshit. It's not like I called you a flaming fucktard* or anything. *I'm still not, by the way. It was the first thing to pop into my head, before your knickers get in a twist.
idl3mind 0
Hawk
5t3ff1k4h 47
Hock, or hork*. I've heard both, and a hawk is a bird.
RedPillSucks 33
How large are your breasts, that you couldn't manage to spit over them?
delilah09 6
That's attractive! *sarcasm* Not very lady-like. That's actually very gross coming from either a guy or a girl. Somethings are better done in private.
Calyx_fml 22
Who the hell came up with the term "hock a loogie" anyway? It's been around for decades.