Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML
Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend, "Where art thou, my love?" via SMS. She replied, "Toilet." FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, I saw a girl I have a crush on sitting on a fountain, away from everyone. I thought this would be the perfect time to make a move on her. I tapped her on the shoulder, which scared her. She nervously flenched and began to piss herself. FML
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Top comments
ifuckingrock 0
Oh, my god, your girlfriend has a bladder, I feel so bad for you.
WhyComplain 0
This is the biggest problem in your life and you complain about it? You have a girlfriend, be happy!
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Comments (97)
toomanycats 0
MLIA!
Synnie 0
Well, if something's gonna come out of your woman when you try to romance her, let it be pee.
plexico 4
We got another squirter over here! Your girlfriend is saying "pee" so she doesn't freak you out with her female ejaculation. Not many guys can make girls come just using text, but it can be done. Way to go, sport!
palleas_fml 0
lol, you're just crazy ^^
plexico 4
I'm not crazy. I'm just dirty.
MagicMeds 0
We need a who cares button...
kukopia 0
AKA the infamous 'Meh' button. If enough people request it, FML ought to give it to us! I'd vote Meh. I want my Meh!
lmaoatyourlife 0
Agreed.
IdolChatter 0
The PROPER response (instead of FML) would have been "That's even better - bring the webcam with you"
lostguy 0
awesome idea! ydi for not making your girl take a webcam with her while peeing lol ^_^
Tylers_fml 0
rofl at 21
rhythmbandit 0
OH NO, YOUR GIRLFRIEND PEES, YOUR LIFE IS SO ******
Kira_fml 0
how about you come up with a better way to flirt than calling her hot.
chalkdust 4
That's what I was going to say. This belongs on MLIA.
kukopia 0
So you got a girlfriend. You're flirting with her online and she replys 'keep talking', meaning she likes what you're saying and wants more. She's comfortable enough with you to be honest about peeing (some women NEVER get to that level). Umm... where's the FML again? I lost it... Oh yea, be sure to reminis about this on your golden anniv.
rukusrazor 0
YAAAAAWN!!! You deserv... Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.