Today, I tried to flirt with my girlfriend since I'm really busy and we can't always be together. I tell her online that I think she's hot and she responds "Keep talking I have to pee". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML
Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend, "Where art thou, my love?" via SMS. She replied, "Toilet." FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML
Today, my girlfriend berated me for my "lack of communication skills", all while deeply engrossed with something on her phone. FML
Today, I waited for my girlfriend to get in the shower before I stripped down to try and seduce her. I got ready, threw open the door and went in. I walked in on her taking a dump. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, I sent a text message to this girl I've been flirting with for a while now saying "How about coffee?". To which she answered "Great idea, I'll go and make myself one right now". FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, I saw a girl I have a crush on sitting on a fountain, away from everyone. I thought this would be the perfect time to make a move on her. I tapped her on the shoulder, which scared her. She nervously flenched and began to piss herself. FML
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Top comments
ifuckingrock 0
Oh, my god, your girlfriend has a bladder, I feel so bad for you.
WhyComplain 0
This is the biggest problem in your life and you complain about it? You have a girlfriend, be happy!
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Comments (97)
cheapsheep_fml 0
OMG YOUR life is over lmfao
sportsnut 0
maybe she is going to pleasure herself haha...probably not, that sucks
1m_b0r3d 0
*sigh* I am honestly baffled as to how crap like this actually gets posted
DameGreyWulf 1
Hey, we have to pee. Sorry we don't want urinary infections.
lowes2828 0
you sound really shalow
DameGreyWulf 1
As an afterthought, would you rather her have said nothing and you kept talking, not recieving a response? Obviously then you'd think you said something wrong or other negative things.
schwhat 0
Reminds me of one time when I was about to go down on my ex girlfriend: "Hold on I have to pee first."
DameGreyWulf 1
Actually, you should be thankful she said that. You wouldn't want her peeing on your face when she orgasms, would you? (TIP: Females are capable of ejaculation, too. We don't always do it, but sometimes we do, and sometimes we accidently pee when we do too. Best to empty your bladder beforehand.)
schwhat 0
I realize that. But we'd been going at it forever, and she chose JUST then to talk about it. Also, it's kind of a turn off to think about licking a uriney ******.
lostguy 0
turn off? my friend, you are still much too young if you think like that lol ^_^
DameGreyWulf 1
No I see what he's saying. I wouldn't want to lick pee either. I also wouldn't want to be licking and suddenly be licking pee, though. Compromise: Rinsing?
amazingkate 0
any decent chick would wipe and rinse if it had to happen during sexy time.
SookMauNoots 0
haha the ops probly a 12 year old
317crystal 0
that's really not an FML... lol. There's MLIA [my life is average] website. Check that one out.
RescueMeFromYou 0
i don't get it....