Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML
Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML
Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML
Today, I challenged myself and went skydiving! However, I made the mistake of doing so on an empty stomach. I made it through the freefall, and through most of the canopy bit, until low-blood-sugar induced dizziness made me blackout on final approach. I still remember most of it, but now I feel emasculated. FML
Today, I went parasailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. On top of that, I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML
Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time in years. Almost immediately, I realized that my shorts were no match for the forces of gravity. I spent the rest of the ride clinging to my seat for dear life while trying to subtly cover my exposed ass. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML
Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML
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Top comments
addictedtoIASIP 14
Well at least you know he found you attractive
thesmeagol 22
He was really excited about the skydiving.
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Comments (130)
chrissapp 18
Must have been very hard for you to process that.
tony1891 22
guess you was in a stiff predicament? so to speak
darwinism 30
It could be a trick they use in tandem skydiving to make sure you and on your feet and not on the instructor. FYL
KeinBaum 12
It probably was just as awkward for him as it was for you. Unfortunately, we can't control our fleshy appendage. That would have saved me from one or two embarrassing moments.
russiancat464 12
its called a fear boner, look it up
MedChew 19
That guy's a professional, unless he was fearing OP's ****** dentata chewing through her buttsuit and nomming his lovejoy.
little_one 20
Does no one feel bad for the dude? Pretty sure he didn't pitch a tent on purpose.
someguyhere 12
Maybe he thought you could use the extra push?
PenguinBitch 44
It was the change in pressure.
cjwayy 22
That should make a memorable first experience.
drmisin 5
The guy probably has a boner every time he jumps. Hope a little thing like that doesn't ruin such a great experience.
ahippienamedrae 10
Was he cute?