Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on my first ever assisted skydive. I fainted after we jumped, and only came to as we touched the ground. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML
Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML
Today, my friend took me tandem skydiving. When it was time to jump, he began crying, said he'd cut our parachute cords, then said "Goodbye, cruel world!" and pushed me off the plane with him strapped to my back. I pissed myself and cried like a bitch. He thinks his "prank" was hilarious. FML
Today, I challenged myself and went skydiving! However, I made the mistake of doing so on an empty stomach. I made it through the freefall, and through most of the canopy bit, until low-blood-sugar induced dizziness made me blackout on final approach. I still remember most of it, but now I feel emasculated. FML
Today, I went parasailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. On top of that, I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML
Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time in years. Almost immediately, I realized that my shorts were no match for the forces of gravity. I spent the rest of the ride clinging to my seat for dear life while trying to subtly cover my exposed ass. FML
Today, I got naked in front of a girl for the first time. Too bad it happened when my "friends" pulled down my swimsuit at a party. Everyone saw my penis. I got a boner. FML
Today, I learned that I have the balls to base jump and skydive, but I still can't ask out the hot girl working at the pub. FML
Today, I learned that it's possible to get hit by a bird while bungee jumping. FML
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Top comments
addictedtoIASIP 14
Well at least you know he found you attractive
thesmeagol 22
He was really excited about the skydiving.
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Comments (130)
addictedtoIASIP 14
Well at least you know he found you attractive
RedPillSucks 33
Not necessarily. With all the jostling going on, he could have had a boner while attached to a camel
iLike2Teabag 27
You can say he's falling for her.
abu4u 26
It's not his fault!
cakefete2 31
Of all the ways to be screwed while skydiving, I'd choose this one over something like a defective parachute.
HersheySquirts 17
I think it was just a pain in the ass.
katieemerr 15
I bet it was really hard
buckstop1 37
No shit #66
feelingold 18
I won't lie, this FML kind of turned me on.
WadeNickerson 16
#1 maybe he just gets really excited about skydiving
JRtheSnowman 5
Santa Noooo!
tashb 17
Damn, that's a stiff situation OP.
PerditaDessa 38
118, Nothing quite gets the blood pumping like jumping out of a plane.
thesmeagol 22
He was really excited about the skydiving.
nchic01 17
or not
FMLniick 8
Skydiving does that to you
SmileyMiley92 2
OP, was he attractive? If so comment on it and let him know you liked it! You got this girl! The same happened to me when I was at a club
meli1195 31
I don't think ita the same.. He probably had a boner from the rush of falling and im pretty sure that wasn't the case at the club
MuffinOfSuccess 18
#45 was skydiving at a club?
SmileyMiley92 2
@51 NO! I meant I felt a boner against me while dancing...
gracehi 33
^ Of course your name is Miley. Why wouldn't it be? *Braces self for verbal abuse and mega thumbs down from Miley Cyrus fans.*
Razi_tail 25
Well when OP is going down on him it should be exciting!
CJB3228 17
Read this in the voice of Smeagol.
cailey1234567890 24
That must have been hard
Ethan4an 6
Well to be honest it was not his fallt.
SuckyFMLs 18
I dont know if you meant this as a pun or not.
JBChristian 47
#46, #3's was a pun. There, now you know.
kimg0885 23
Or how about: hope you didn't have a hard landing.
imagineapc 11
Maybe he's a shower, not a grower.
Welshite 40
That's exactly why I like my men to be baths.
imagineapc 11
Two words, same spelling. Strange how that happens in the English language...
TechFire 25
except one of those isn't a real word...
JBChristian 47
*Maybe he's into showing instead of growing.*
Animekid126 13
She meant that he's already elongated down there when he's hard
Rainhawk94 27
Well when you have a girl pressed against you so close how can you blame the guy?
SpeedToast 16
Heck, maybe he's just really excited about skydiving...
LittleBells 17
Well for one thing, he's a professional. He's probably pressed against girls a lot.
goreajek 13
What's the next thing #64?
Mrtigerblue 14
#47 it's true the adrenaline and excitement could make him respond in a way similar to arousal
Chiroptera_Man 10
Adrenaline rush, maybe? He must really love his job.
asherm 15
I've heard that before, that it's adrenaline. When I went, I was too busy worrying about death to even notice.
junkman6 22
I've heard of being a hardcore adrenaline junky but that's ridiculous.
MedChew 19
Let me get this straight, you're about to take a dive more than 10k feet of the ground for the first time, and the thing that bothered you is just a firm object merely resting on your bum? Shouldn't your attention be like, I don't know? The damn altitude? Were you somewhat attracted to that guy to notice this?
LexiDaBae 17
Maybe it made her uncomfortable. I don't know a female that WOULDN'T feel uncomfortable with a man's boner pressed against her ass.
junkman6 22
#11 go to any club any weekend anywhere and make that same statement.
RedPillSucks 33
To be fair, the tandem instructor has all the control and is the one who will pull the chute. Perhaps she may have been concerned that his boner distracted his attention from monitoring the altitude.
Tthug 34
I've never done skydiving, but isn't it the professional who does everything in the tandem jumps? They're on top, therefore wearing the backpack, so I'm assuming they do all the skydiving stuff and the newbie is just dead weight.
fader48080 10
good one 15
drmisin 5
Amen to that. Most of them are doing it on the dance floor!
R3TROxLOV3 32
15, that's a different circumstance. In clubs, you're most likely grinding your ass against his crotch, so a boner shouldn't be a surprise. If you're doing something like skydiving, you're not going into the situation expecting to have a dick lodged between your ass cheeks. I would've felt incredibly uncomfortable, and I definitely wouldn't have been able to fully enjoy the experience of skydiving.
junkman6 22
Some people just don't understand the nuance of being a smartass.
meli1195 31
Umm, I wasn't aware that the dude lodged his boner in between OPs asscheecks.
GnaR_KiLL5150 12
Fear boner
R3TROxLOV3 32
41, I understand it. Yours was just a shittacular example of it. That's how bad it was. I had to make up a new word to describe it in all of its failed glory.
lazyslumber 18
I think OP might have misunderstood the harness for the crotch. During skydiving the harness is held from below and tightened, so there is no way a man can have a boner unless he is an iron man.
CrazyManNo9 29
Me too.
mallu86 9
You did have your cereal this morning, did ya?
ostfaiz 18
you might be scared from both the sides :)