Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She sent me a link to a story online about a woman who abused her dog to the point of death and I didn’t vomit while reading it. According to her, that makes me a “heartless monster.” FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend flipped out and dumped me. According to her, not stopping for a dog in the road makes me a sociopath and unsuitable for a relationship. Yes, because slamming on my brakes or swerving into the next lane while doing 75 on the highway and causing a wreck made so much more sense. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML
Today, I was playing with my dog, teasing her, to cheer myself up after being dumped by my girlfriend. My dog bit me hard and I had to go to hospital. The dog has to be put down. FML
Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML
Today, I found out I have aggressive brain cancer, then my girlfriend dumped me because, as she put it, if I’m going to be dead in a year anyway, she might as well move on now so as not to waste her time. I knew she was evil, it’s what I loved about her, but man, this is low even for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me. In her words, “Liking you fucked up my brain.” Later that afternoon, she posted a story of her with another dude’s arm around her. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me and told me she "had a surprise for me when I got home" in a sexy voice. So I hurried home, only to find a note saying she left me and took my dog. Deeply depressed, I went into the living room. She took my TV also. FML
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Top comments
Ashamed_Sister 60
Are you supposed to take a dump if you hear a story about a shitty girlfriend?
bass_ftp 12
This is not the reason. This is what she used as an excuse because she’s too much of a pussy to be honest with you.
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Comments (12)
Ashamed_Sister 60
Are you supposed to take a dump if you hear a story about a shitty girlfriend?
bass_ftp 12
This is not the reason. This is what she used as an excuse because she’s too much of a pussy to be honest with you.
TxKitten79 10
This is pretty much exactly what I was about to write.
Matthew Irmen 11
If it wasn’t then, she would have found another lame excuse for dumping you. Consider it time no longer wasted.
Takegami 22
Men don’t cry as easily. That’s pretty much a fact.
Glowworm56 27
My boyfriend must be an exception then. I once showed him a video of a kitten who got his head stuck in a toilet and he got so emotionally drawn into it, he asked me to fast forward to the part where they got the kitten out safely.
RichardPencil 32
Can you forward me that story? I’d like to show it to my dog when she farts in my face. I’d never do that to my dog, but she needs to know what might happen to a face-farter.
tounces7 28
I suggest you bring the story to her and vomit all over her so she's happy.
GUYMAINE 16
You have never been given a better gift in your life
Squidgegg 4
What kind of weirdo actively vomits at just reading a story? Other than Fifty Shades of Grey, obviously.
Seany Rondorf 3
She’s sounds coocoo for Cocoa Puffs...
KittyMack 13
And making someone read a story so horrific it may cause him to barf, for no purpose except to observe his misery, DOESN'T make one a heartless monster?