Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I caught my mom trying to get secretly smashed out of her brain-box on booze at 8:00 a.m. FML
Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML
Today, my alcoholic mother decided to finally check herself into rehab. She did it while drunk, and flirted with the front attendant. FML
Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML
Today, I had to confess to my mother that I was too hungover to take her to her AA meeting. FML
Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML
Today, whilst at my new step-dad's Christmas lunch, my mother spiked my drink so that I would look worse than her in front of her new mother-in-law. FML
Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML
Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML
Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML
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Top comments
Privations_fml 0
Someone's been drinking a bit too much butterbeer.
afdude87 6
muggles: they're everywhere, tryin to steal my whiskey.
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Comments (131)
Privations_fml 0
Someone's been drinking a bit too much butterbeer.
roeallen 11
Someone's flying too high on their broom.
Sisaac 0
Butterbeer has no alcohol. My guess would be Mead, which is alcoholic, and mentioned in HP. Please don't pay attention to the kid who spent his childhood reading HP and still remembers useless trivia like the previous statement.
MrRawwr84 0
10 your trying to make 1 look bad but u just look like a complete nerd giving useless fictional facts, get a life...
MrRawwr84 0
1*
Privations_fml 3
Oh no, 13, I think 10 was referring to his own 'previous' comment :)
HingaHinga 0
10 - Actually, Butterbeer DOES have have a little bit of alcohol. Just not a whole lot. :)
MrRawwr84 0
ohh okay yeahh i think he totally was 16 :)
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Bloody Hell, op! Do you wand to snitch or would that just start an unnecessary Quirrel between you too. If she's Lupin' back around to where she was before AA maybe... uh yeah I got nothin.(:
Sisaac 0
18 - Oh, ok. Now i don't feel that nerdy lol
SkateboardGirl88 11
Aaaaaaa more stupid puns how exciting :/
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
21 - Not bad of a pun there, it was quite magical.
gooBUZZ 0
Can anyone else see the two "of" before the AA?
bando2792 0
Firewhisky is mentioned much more often than mead.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
You know, #10, for the cleverest witch of your age, you can be a real dumbass. Oooh, ten points to Dumbledore!
MrRawwr84 0
66 - hahahah nicccee :D
hraine 0
rip off of a very potter musical tho nice :)
iheart 0
butterbeer DOES have alcohol. its just not strong enough to affect humans. remember winky the house elf got wasted from it in the 5th book?
calcetines 0
90, this is the internet. Our arguments, by deffinition, cannot be supported by fact and/or examples unless they can be found on wikipedia. Lern teh rulz of dah intarwebz! D=<<<
RaineDragon 0
Actually, it does have some. Not enough to make much of an issue for a human, but it was enough to get Winky the house elf drunk according to Dobby in Goblet of Fire.
lenamartinovic 13
#10 is not being a nerd! every harry potter fan should know the difference between such
BunnyBites 11
#66 Don't be such a bitch.
ThoranSlock 13
There is a little bit alcohol in butterbeer #10 because in the fourth book Winky gets drunk from it
afdude87 6
muggles: they're everywhere, tryin to steal my whiskey.
funnyFMLSplz 0
•puts on sunglasses• no. you fail
funnyFMLSplz 0
•puts on sunglasses• no. you fail
emodude44 0
Double post. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
insanesna1l 0
it's the work of the devil
milky953 0
I say Im a saiyan in not drunk
bella789 8
hahahah.
Zelda210 0
Haha I'm guessing you watched Harry Potter?
Forlorn420 9
U mean firewhiskey. Duh
Sniper3000 0
fyl.... simple as that
MrRawwr84 0
your moms cooooool !
ashtonTS 0
Wow...you two are both ignorant jackasses. Get a life or go die. Either one will do the world a favor.
MrRawwr84 0
or maybe ashton you just need to lighten the **** up... i only live once so im gna do and say what please me and not listen about bitches like u :)
t765234 10
You, my friend, should try brushing up on your spelling. : /
JCHammer 5
Heyy everybody calm down! Or else...
picklezz123 5
well they ARE muggles
ImaginaryFoe 1
Good point. If she were drunk, she'd have been seeing wizards everywhere.
osnapitzarii 0
So... your mum's Mad-Eye Moody?
thelastavailable 13
You look like Ginny Weasley!
ifmlftw 0
she is o_O
MrRawwr84 0
she is !! and wow ginny your bloody beautiful!! O.o
TBird18 0
I totally agree that she looks somewhat like Ginny.
mrosew442 10
I don't think Alastor would go around calling people muggles
kikibisweet 0
Your moms an alcoholic. I also stated the obvious.
rawrsofi 5
Where you watching Harry potter?
chlobo13 0
Were* Learn english...
neondeath 0
English*
jrsgreenfire257 0
Lmao
insanesna1l 0
I believe they saw it at the movies
inSayne 7
obviously they were watching Ferris Bueller's day off.
kona314 1
At least she didn't bring a wand and start "Expelliarmus!"ing people...
abbiesaprincess 0
lol I was waking around the mall doin that but i wasn't drunk lmao
calcetines 0
At least she didn't bring a gun and start avada kadavra-ing people...
ThoranSlock 13
#102 hahahahaha this was gunny
ThoranSlock 13
*funny, i think my iPhone wanted some sort of stupid pun
ltsmark 0
Sounds dirty